Understanding your Protectors and Parts in Soul Recovery

I recall a moment that shifted my understanding of the soul's complex tapestry. It was during a session of Gestalt therapy with my husband Rich that we discovered the emotional parts that danced between us—his internal 'judge' and my 'scared little girl.' I invite you to turn within, exploring these internal landscapes and the 'protectors' that shape our responses to life's multifaceted challenges. This episode  stitches together personal stories and the Soul Recovery take on the Internal Family Systems model, promising to guide you towards the light of your authentic self.

For more on Internal Family Systems visit  https://ifs-institute.com/

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This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:47

For this episode. I wanted to expand on something that I've mentioned in some of the podcasts previously around protectors or parts. This is part of internal family systems by Dick Schwartz, and I've picked it up and created my own concepts around how we deal with it in solar recovery. But I think it's really important to understand these aspects of our self that are within us that create the way that we interact with or respond to, either in a positive way or in a not so great way the life around us, the people around us. How are we protecting ourselves? What parts are we protecting? Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:34

My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our interchange and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to Recover your Soul. I'm Rev Rachel and I'm so glad that you're here. You found the Soul Recovery community. You started on your Soul Recovery journey. Maybe you're here for the first or first few times. If you are welcome, welcome. Welcome. We think it's by no mistake that you have searched or found or fallen upon this particular podcast and if you've been coming back, this is the fifth season and I'm just so grateful to be building and growing this community where we are learning, one day at a time, one step at a time, how to be our authentic and whole selves, to remember our wholeness, to live from a place where we can be okay, even if the world around us or the people around us are suffering and not healthy or happy. We're choosing a happy and healthy life through a spiritual path, and that's what we're here to learn, to grow and to expand.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:06

For today's episode, I wanted to touch on something that I've been mentioning and just passing in a couple episodes and also something that, if you come and do, soul Recovery work with me and spiritual coaching, this is a concept that we definitely touch on, working on these internal parts of ourselves, and I often will use the word protectors, and I've had a couple people who have asked if we could do an actual episode to clarify what that is for those of you who are doing your Soul Recovery journey, with or without assistance from me. So today we're going to talk about parts and protectors and what that means to me from my Soul Recovery experience. Now, the first time I ever heard the word parts in this concept and was introduced to internal family systems or IFS, which was created by Richard Schwartz in the 80s and is still growing and expanding today, was from a woman from church and she and I were in one of the small book clubs together and she had been doing a lot of work and she said what was really working for her was starting to make friends with and open to and allow all the aspects of herself, all of her parts and that was the first time I'd ever heard that word. And then, when I started my Soul Recovery journey and was with a really good friend of mine who is also a therapist, and she was talking about protectors and brought to light more about what internal family system teaches and this concept of protectors, and in everything that I have been inspired by and there's so much that inspires Soul Recovery, what I feel like is working for me or happening for me, as I hear, or I am inspired by, or something moves me and I take the flavor of it, I take the aspects of it that seem to work for how my healing, how my mind, how my soul is processing everything through and that's what I'm sharing with you. So anything that I say that resonates with you, take it in and if it doesn't resonate with you, it's okay.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:28

I think it's so important for us to recognize that there is not one path to healing, there's not one path to spirit, there's not one path to enlightenment and there's not one path that brings us to our wholeness. That's why there are so many different modalities, that's why there's so many different voices, that's why there's so many different practices. Find the practice, find the words, find the person who speaks to you and in each of it, take what works for you and leave the rest. So when I started to connect with this concepts around internal family systems, I'm not doing it the way that Dick Shorts does it. That's the thing I really want to impress upon you. I have taken the pieces that work for me, I have taken the parts of it that I respond to, that seem to match up with all of the soul recovery that's coming through and to me, and I'm mixing it in with all of these modalities to create what I am so grateful to be this process, the nine steps of soul recovery. That is, healing my heart, healing my journey and helping heal others. So I just want to really put out there that this is something that you can look more into if it, if it appeals to you. He actually has a book out that I just finished recently, called no Bad Parts. That is very good. I listened to it on Audible. I highly recommend it if you find this kind of stuff interesting. So, as I speak from this point forward, I'm going to respond to how I am using these concepts from the soul recovery perspective. Okay, all that aside, thank you for being patient with me and hanging in there.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:19

So when we are little and we are firstborn, we need others for us to survive. The other day, I was thinking about how it is an absolute miracle that there are so many humans. When humans come out and are completely helpless completely helpless without being held nourished, fed, clothed and given a place to sleep and a roof over our heads for the first oh, I don't know five years of your life, you could maybe survive after five years of your life. It wouldn't be good. But you know I mean just to survive that we need somebody else to fill those roles for us. There are, you know, animals that are born and can run not us, not us, oh no, we need help.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:12

So if you think about what it takes when you're firstborn for us to survive, we develop skills to do that. We immediately know to cry when we're hungry. We know to cry when we're cold. We know to cry when we're wet. We know how to look into the eyes of our caregiver so that they will connect with us. We innately know these things and they create systems within us to make sure that we get what we need and that those needs are met.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:44

So if you think about moving past those first couple months of life that you get to a place where you're starting to be in connection with another human being, or more, and you're realizing that when you smile a certain way, you get something back, and so you smile more. And you realize that when you cry a certain way, that you're going to get what you need, or maybe you learn to not cry so that you don't get something that doesn't feel good. And those first moments that you start to get something that doesn't feel good. Your system creates ways to keep you protected, to protect you from the harm. If you think about the children that orphanages in Russia, they learn to never cry. They learn to never cry because it was more detrimental for them to cry. They didn't get fed, they didn't get what they needed from crying, they got punished, they got hurt for that and the terrible orphanage stories that you might have heard.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:51

If you think about how powerful it is within us to save us from harm, then you start to understand this concept of how we develop protectors, how we develop these parts of ourselves that save us. Now, one of the things that I love that Dick Schwartz talks about in IFS is this concept that more will always be revealed. We're always sort of saying we're peeling an onion as we unravel these aspects of ourselves, these parts of ourselves that have all these feelings and emotions and beliefs and everything that I talk about in Soul Recovery. We're unpeeling and what Dick Schwartz says is we're more like a clove of garlic instead of an onion, that there's actually these pockets of us, and it was Plato that first said there isn't just one self, there's more than one self. And in Soul Recovery what we're really looking at is we're starting to attend to the different aspects of our self.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:00

If you're ready for Soul Recovery, as a spiritual coach I can support your healing to help make real changes that will bring you a life of peace, happiness, connection and abundance. You can also work in smaller groups by taking a deep dive in a Zoom workshop or with me in person at a retreat or an event. Join others on the Soul Recovery path once a month for the free Zoom support group or daily on the private Facebook page. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to book coaching sessions with me or find all the information you need about Soul Recovery dates that are coming up and how to register for those groups and workshops. To support the podcast and the community, check the links in the show notes to make a small monthly donation or a one-time donation of your choice. That will make a huge impact to support this community and the Soul Recovery mission. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul, and I remember the first time that I ever had Gestalt therapy.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:03

It was my husband and I, Rich, and we were having our standard issue problems that we had for all those years and we had a counseling session with our minister who was studying his own forms of counseling and coaching and he I didn't know, it was Gestalt therapy at the time but he did this practice where we were each given a turn and as we started talking and expressing a part of us, he would have us move to a different chair and in that chair we would take on even more intensely the persona of who was feeling that feeling and why they were presenting themselves in that way. Now I don't remember a lot about this experience because it was a long time ago, but I have two really strong memories from it. The first one was that Rich did his practice and I'm watching him, you know and he's moving to the different seats and he gets into this one seat and he's intense and he's angry and he has a big energy and he has a big voice and he's judgmental. I looked at him and I said that's the judge, that's the one that I am afraid of. And for the first time I could see that part of Richard as separate from how I was interpreting him to be all of that, that I was mixing that judge in with all the other parts of him and only seeing the part that I didn't like and I was interacting with that part, and so that was the first time that I really was like, oh, it's not the whole of him, it's just the part of him. And then it was my turn and then I did whatever it was that I did, I can't remember, but I remember that I found my afraid small little girl and she talked quiet and she was scared and for the first time I could truly recognize that she wasn't the whole of me, but she was the part of me that was specifically affected by the one that I didn't like of Rich, the judge that I didn't like of Rich. So this was a long time ago and this has stuck in my mind and been present and helped me through the years to truly understand better that when I'm in reaction to him I need to make sure that I'm not looking at that one part as his whole. But I didn't have a lot of other information yet and I was in my own dysfunction and a lot of other parts were going on in me that were around my addiction or around my codependence, and I was building up all this persona and all this contrast around being in the darkness, being in the wilderness.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:03

Flash back to the girl from my church group who started talking about parts and started talking about IFS and it made me curious and it made me interested. And then I have my friend who starts talking about protectors, and all of that immediately swarmed in as I'm sure this has happened for you and all of a sudden made sense and I wanted to know and understand more, I wanted to bring it into my life so that I could use this for me to help understand me. And as she started talking about this concept of protectors and I started to understand that from that baby, from that little nonverbal child, and the first time that you have a major wounding, the first time that you hear a solid no, or the first time that somebody hurts you physically, of course for us to survive, we learn and figure out how to not ever have that happen again. Now, many of you who have listened to this podcast have heard me tell this story around my being four years old. I was actually a Christmas before I turned four, since my birthdays in the beginning of January, my birthdays, oh my gosh, I think it's this week. So I was three years old, about to turn four, and I have all these other protectors that I've started to develop.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:30

But I had never actually been in trouble trouble. I had never been in trouble where I'd been spanked or had somebody yell or raise their voice at me which, to be honest, by the time you're almost four years old is pretty lucky. But I can recognize that that was because I had already created other protections about how to get my needs net, how to be a good girl, how to fit in, how to be compliant. So by the time I had this experience where it was Christmas and my mom was making I'm not going to go into the story huge because it's another podcast but I'm making my mom's making my dad a shirt and she's sewing it on a pedal sewing machine, you know, like where she has to move the sewing needle with her foot. So she's making this shirt and I tell my dad and instead of it being okay, I got in trouble.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:23

I got in trouble for basically not being loyal, for lying, but I was so little and nothing had ever happened to me like that before and I got. I got spanked, I got yelled at and my memory is that then they put me outside, and I'm sure they put me outside because then they were fighting when they didn't want me to fight, but I didn't know that, as my three year old, almost four year old self, this was terrifying. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and so a protector was created that said this feeling is awful and I will do whatever it takes to not feel this feeling. And so what I learned, and the belief that was created by this protection, was don't ever do anything that will get you in trouble. This is rejection, and rejection is painful.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:20

Now we don't really know that we've created this protector, because the interesting thing about really looking at this concept that Plato said for us, which is there is not one self, and the beginnings of these psychology styles, instead of saying we're trying to figure out what the whole is and what's going on, these concepts are saying that every time we have some harm, every time something happens to us that connects to another harm, it attaches to a similar harm. And the way that I have visioned this is I tell people close your eyes and imagine a long hallway, and in that long hallway are doors, and every time that a harm comes or a hurt comes, that is the same feeling, the same energy, the same style. It goes into that room to be protected and in front of the door, becomes this protector, and maybe the protector is anger, maybe the protector is perfection, maybe the protector is control, maybe the protector is check out, withdraw Whatever is needed to keep you from feeling those feelings and those doors can get shoved full of all of this hurt and all of this pain. Now, most of those beginning rooms were filled from the time that we were children and they're filled with the emotions and the understanding, emotionally, intellectually, physically, of a younger aspect of our self and they don't grow up. They're in these memories, they are in these pains and what I realized in that session with Rich and I in that moment that helped the beginning of my soul recovery journey, was that when he was in his judge which is a protector that he has standing at a door of his pain I was a little girl that my fear and the protector that I had said be small, be good, be compliant, don't rock the boat. But it was the emotional part of me that was being present in those moments when Rich was being big or angry or upset, whether it was at me or, more often, at the world or at our kids or at something else. I was a four year old standing in the room afraid.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:16

When we start looking at these inner child parts of us, I think so many of us have been taught to not want to believe that they have any place in our lives. Now, like this, is that all happened? We intellectualize those experiences because we're trying to push those doors closed. We're trying to keep ourselves from feeling those feelings. And what we offer in soul recovery and what I work on with people is not for us to go in, and I say this all the time. Dig up every grave that's in our graveyard, dig up every bone and every grave and look up and turn every single dark, hurtful thing that's ever happened to us over. I don't think that's necessary. I don't think it's good for you Coming from the Course of Miracles, which is one of the books that is an inspiration to me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:10

Letting the past go, not replaying all of that pain, is an essential piece of us being present here and now and being in our alignment with what is in our present moment. But we can't be in alignment with our present moment if we are completely inundated with protectors and aspects of ourselves that are in our subconscious that are really running the show from an unhealthy, young, chaotic, dysfunctional place. So when we start looking at this work and you start contemplating this very tender way to be with yourself, to start to realize that in your own corridor of your life and of your heart and of your soul, you can allow yourself to say yes, there is a part of me that wants to stay in this marriage, there is a part of me that wants to leave the marriage and instead of thinking that there's something wrong with you because you're thinking two different things, to actually start to touch into the truth that there are these different parts of us that have different emotional intelligences, that have different capacities to hold space, that have different belief systems. The way that Dick Schwartz talks about it is that it's as if each one of these cloves of your garlic has its own whole system. That's why they call it internal family systems. It's as if within yourself, you have an entire set of personalities and there's nothing wrong with that. That's why, on one day, you can feel strong and you can feel embodied and you can feel like you've got this, and the next day, you're riddled with all of the belief that you're not enough, that you did something wrong, that you're hurting people that there's something wrong with you, it's okay. But the key in looking at this from the Soul Recovery perspective is to start to utilize these concepts to attend to our emotional self.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:26

I'm always saying that our feelings are telling us something, that we are these incredible spiritual beings having a human experience, and that our feelings are our guidance system and our feelings are the things that taught us from an early age to say protect or allow, be in fear or open with love. And if we don't recognize that, some of those very core, young, elementary parts of us created the system that says safe or unsafe, okay or not. Okay, push this behind the door or let it open, so that now we can start to recognize what the protectors are, because we may not even realize that our anger is actually a protector standing at the door of our pain. And if we don't believe or think that that's what's happening, it's in its own world, doing everything that it can to keep us from feeling our feelings. But what we're saying in Soul Recovery is I'm ready and willing and I'm interested in opening those doors and releasing the pain.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:46

Being curious about those memories what are the key elemental memories that have set up my belief system that may not be working for me anymore or that is keeping me in a relationship that isn't healthy for me or is keeping me addicted. Addiction is a protector for pain. When I started to truly understand these parts of myself, then I could start to ask those parts what they needed to tell me. I shared so many stories around my life and recognizing that my pain that I'm feeling in this moment really isn't about being upset in this moment, it's really going back and rattling the doors of one of these rooms that it's often something else or another experience that felt similar to it. I shared the story about going to visit my dad over Christmas a couple episodes ago and that I could recognize for the first time that this resistance that I had was a protector, keeping me from feeling some really uncomfortable feelings that it felt when I was a little girl.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 27:08

And if we can start to allow those voices to come, we don't have to try to push him away. You don't have to try to resolve everything. What I love is that just by allowing yourself to open to the recognition that it's even there in the first place, it releases the energy that's behind the door. It releases the protector who might be there with full on armor and knives and spears and is doing everything it can to keep anything and everything away from that room, from feeling any of those feelings. Well, at some point in our life we start realizing that those knives and spears are keeping us on the emotional battlefield in our life, in our relationships, in our jobs. That that's what makes us be overly self-critical, or it's what makes us think that we need to take everything personally or is making assumptions. It's that part of us that's always on edge, that protection.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:16

So, when we can give ourselves grace and allow ourselves to have these different aspects of ourselves and love each and every one of them, what I think is so important in solar recovery is that we're not trying to dismiss anything in ourselves as being. There's something that we need to fix. There's nothing wrong with you. You are whole. Every part of you, your lightness, your dark, the things that people love about you, the things that people don't like about you these are all aspects of who you are that are teaching you something about your existence. That is a human and that sometimes we look and we go ah, those things that are harsh, those things that are intense. They're really our protectors.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:08

And that person who is coming back at us, that's just their protector. And then you can see what's really going on. Instead of thinking that you need to be a certain way or that they need to be a certain way, you start to interact with each other with a little more compassion and kindness, and then we can talk to and be present with our younger parts of ourselves, moving them out of their traumas, moving them out of these memories that recur over and over and over, that are replaying these painful and very difficult parts of our lives, and let them relax, let them be quiet, bring them to a place of safety, bring them to a place where they know that they're okay because we stand with them, holding them, protecting them, giving them voice from our highest self, from our authentic, true self, and from that they can begin to relax. And then we start to connect with that protector and thank the protector for everything that it's done for us. And again, we have tons of different protectors. We're thanking them instead of fighting them, we're appreciating them instead of resisting them, and then what I've done, as I encourage others to do, is to befriend your protector and begin to give it a different role.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 30:38

So my protector that was fear and would shut down and put up a huge wall that just would not let anybody in. I've asked to be strength for me, to be courage, to be able to be in difficult situations, to have difficult conversations and to be present and accounted for in that moment and to stand with me with courage instead of to push away and not let them in. I have all kinds of different ways of connecting with protectors that are around, utilizing them. We are complicated beings. Thank you for watching this. We are incredible beings, but the more that we love ourselves in every aspect of ourselves, the more that we release the past and the pain that is pushed and hidden in those doors and we ask the protectors to stand aside and we allow the energies and the memories to come out in a safe and peaceful way. I like to envision that those rooms are being swept clean with light, that they've been given windows with fluttering curtains and a breeze that comes through, that sometimes in the corners there's still stuff in there, but that the memories and the energies can come and go and they're sharing their experience instead of cowering in pain and in fear, and that the protectors are there now helping us be courageous, helping us learn, expressing themselves in ways that allow us to be in connection with others and to love ourselves deeply and to be in connection with your higher power of your understanding, recognizing your wholeness and releasing the energies that come from a younger self.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 32:34

There is so much more that could be said around this, but I just wanted to touch on it a little bit and give you a little flavor, a little taste. I really would recommend the no Bad Parts book if that appeals to you, and this is an aspect of what we work on when I do coaching sessions, and so if you're looking for one-on-one support, I am here to support you in any way that I can on your soul recovery journey, either in little bits or working on the full nine steps of soul recovery together. I also thank you for sharing this podcast, or any of the episodes or the full podcast, with anybody that you think might enjoy or learn from or grow from what it has to offer. I believe there's lots of voices that speak to those who are ready to listen, and I'm grateful that you're here trusting and listening to me. Thank you for commenting and reviewing this podcast. It really does help to bring it up in the algorithms and let others know that this is a valuable community. Thank you, thank you, until next time. Namaste, thank you for listening to the Recovery Soul podcast and if you loved what you heard here, every Friday we have a bonus episode and you can access this by becoming a subscriber through Apple podcasts for only $3.99 a month, or become a Patreon member, and on this platform you can choose $5.15 or $25 a month to show what you want to support the show with On both of these subscriber platforms is an entire catalog of back episodes intended to inspire and support you on your soul recovery journey.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 34:19

I really want to invite everybody to attend the free once a month, every first Monday of the month support group. This is on Zoom. Everyone is welcome to attend and by giving a like or a review and sharing this with your friends and family really helps us to share the soul recovery message with even more people. We are on social media. We are on all the platforms. I am on TikTok. You can listen to guided meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight Timer. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for being part of the community. To find out more about soul recovery and everything that's being offered, visit the website wwwrecoveryoursoulnet. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.