Finding You own Peace when Others in Your Life are Living with Anxiety or Depression

I've weathered the storm of living alongside those engulfed by the shadows of anxiety and depression with my own kids and friends as well experiencing it for myself at different times in my life.  It can be very hard to stay on our healing journey and stay connected to our Higher Power when those we love, and often live with, are suffering from the grips of mental health issues.  In this episode I share how using the tools and principles of Soul Recovery can help us to navigate this complex and painful path for everyone involved. 
For more information about Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul- visit the website www.recoveryoursoul.net  use the code TRYASESSION for 40% off your first Spiritual Coaching session when you book on the website.  Visit the website for all events and groups to get involved in Soul Recovery and the community.

Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom -The 1st Monday of the Month, 6PM Mountain Time. This is a drop in support group where we can come together to explore, connect and support each other on our Soul Recovery journey.  Visit the website to register and receive the meeting invite.  Free to attend and donations appreciated.

Ready for a weekend of Soul Recovery, deep healing and Transformation?!?!?! Join Rev Rachel on June 8th and 9th in Lafayette Colorado for 2 full days of teachings, meditation, group work, journaling, connection and sound healing and Soul Recovery with others in the community.  Use  this coupon code at check out for $50 off!  RYSJUNERETREAT$50 

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:47

On a recent social media post, I had asked what do you want to hear more about? And one of the answers was from a community member who said how do you live with somebody who has severe anxiety or depression? How do you hold on to and maintain your relationship with your higher power while they're suffering so greatly? This is a great question and the source of inspiration for this episode. Welcome to the Recovery your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:21

I started Recovery your Soul after having profound changes in my life, from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to the mind, to ourselves, focusing on our interchange and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to Recovery your Soul. I'm Reverend Rachel and I thank you for choosing to spend your time with me here today On your soul recovery journey. Many of you continue to come back and I am so honored and grateful that you do and in that I've become part of your life, which I love that we're here. Maybe I'm on a walk with you, or maybe on your drive to work. Thank you for putting me in the place in your life where it's part of your routine, part of your spiritual practice. And if you're new to the soul recovery community, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so glad that you're here.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:30

Today's episode is in response to one of the community members that answered my question on the Recovery your Soul community Facebook page when I said what do you want to hear more about in the fifth season? And this person said I'd really like to know more about how to maintain our soul recovery, how to trust our process, to be turning the attention to ourselves when somebody in our life is dealing with mental health issues, specifically depression or anxiety, and I thought that was such a beautiful, beautiful topic. It's not an easy topic, but I think it's a topic that we should shed some light on, because there's a lot of that out in the world. There are more people that we know of suffering specifically from mental health issues than ever before. We have more disconnection, more separation. With the social media and the platforms that are available to us that could bring us together, it seems like there's even more of us being isolated, feeling alone and having stress and anxiety. The more complicated our world gets, the more the people are struggling.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:49

So many of you have come because you did a word search on some platform Maybe it was in Apple Podcasts or Spotify or just on Google saying, hey, I want to know more about Alan on Podcasts, or I want to know more about how to deal with adult children who are addicts, or I want to know more about codependence, or I want to heal from something, and it popped up the podcast. I'm so glad that you're here and I'm so grateful that these ways of connecting bring us here. What I want to share in that is that we're actually talking about the same thing, so that if you came here because you have someone in your life who is addicted to something, who is actively in addiction, what we're actually saying is this person in my life is depressed, is not healthy, is dysfunctional. If you are in a relationship where you've become addicted or codependent to another person, you rely on another person for your emotional, spiritual, financial well-being. We are doing the same thing. That is about putting energy into a place that is around unhealthiness. It's around being not whole, not being enough, and isn't that the foundation of depression and of anxiety.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:17

Now, if you haven't listened to this podcast before, I want to say two things. One is, in everything that I say, I am not an expert. I am not speaking for any religions or any programs or allied with anything along those lines, so take what you need and leave the rest. This is my interpretations of a whole bunch of stuff, and that's something I've called soul recovery. And the other is I have been there. I don't speak this by saying that I wasn't there. I have been clinically depressed, I have been riddled with incredible, excruciating anxiety, and I have been an addict, and I have been addicted to other people and their behavior and I have tried to control it all.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:09

So I am coming from this platform, from a place that says not only have I witnessed other people who have had these things in their life, with my husband and my kids in particular, but I personally have been through it. I have been in the darkness, I have had suicide thoughts, I have not wanted to open my eyes, I have not wanted to live another day, and when you feel that darkness, it is so real. And so to have come from that to where I am today, where I wake up every day and I think aren't I lucky? Aren't I lucky that I get to have this experience? It has been a journey, and I see it from both sides, and that's what gives me this platform to stand on and to be able to share with you, in Soul Recovery, these experiences that I've had, this work that I've done that allows me to pull from this whole continuum of all these resources spiritual, psychology, metaphysics, religion and put something together that I call Soul Recovery and say if you decide that you are ready to be well, if you decide that you are ready to be able to be present for whatever's happening in your life and whoever is in your life in the way that they are and choose the spiritual path to a happy and healthy life, that you too can come into balance, that you too can find healing, that you too can hold space for somebody who is not well. So that is the energy in the platform in which I'm going to speak on this particular topic. Which is what happens, and how do you keep your Soul Recovery, how do you continue to stay on track with what's going on with you when the people around you are suffering?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:19

Now, what I think is so interesting is most people found this podcast by searching. Maybe it was Alenon or Code Dependents or how to deal with adult kids who are addicts. Those are kind of the SEO finders that people find to get here. And then you walk through the door, you look at this podcast and you're like, ah, I want to know how to fix them. But what you're really learning in Soul Recovery is that the true answer to healing, the true answer to healing somebody else, the true answer to happiness is to turn the attention to yourself and to recognize that you're powerless over everything outside of yourself and that your choosing your own life is the greatest gift that you can give yourself and others. Now, that doesn't mean that you can do this work and walk around with all kinds of halos and butterflies flying around you and that everything's always going to be this rainbow situation and you're just oozing joy and happiness and that the people around you are going to love it, or that they're going to feel better, or that it's going to change anything. That's crap, right. That's like the fairy tale. What we're learning in Soul Recovery is we're learning to see and understand each person in their experience, for exactly what's going on with them and we're learning how to interact and be present in every situation from a authentic, aware, healthy space.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:08

If you're ready for Soul Recovery, as a spiritual coach I can support your healing to help make real changes that will bring you a life of peace, happiness, connection and abundance. You can also work in smaller groups by taking a deep dive in a Zoom workshop or with me in person at a retreat or an event. Join others on the Soul Recovery path, once a month for the free Zoom support group or daily on the private Facebook page. Visit the website RecoveryyourSoulnet to book coaching sessions with me or find all the information you need about Soul Recovery dates that are coming up and how to register for those groups and workshops. To support the podcast and the community, check the links in the show notes to make a small monthly donation or a one-time donation of your choice. That will make a huge impact to support this community and the Soul Recovery mission. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:06

So if you went around somebody who wasn't doing well, either from drugs or alcohol or from being emotionally not well, and you're polyanizing them to death and saying, well, if you would just think positive, everything would be just fine. You're not actually going to be helping the situation. You're going to be making it so that they actually have a level of resistance and they're pushing on you. But if you can be present in a way where you remember that your emotional integrity is the only thing that you have control of and is your only responsibility, and that their choice of what their emotion is going to be is what they're responsible for, then you can start to be present for people and really hear them where they're at, really be present for them where they're at and stop trying to fix them, stop trying to change it for them.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:07

Now I have a feeling that the person who wrote this request on the Facebook page probably lives with somebody who is experiencing depression or anxiety either a husband, a wife or a child. So I just want to say out loud that being in relationship with people who are struggling is really difficult, and nobody is saying that it isn't hard. No one is saying that it doesn't affect you. I had a session today with a husband and a wife. They were expressing how when the other one is really good, it really helps the other one feel really good, but when the other one isn't well, they have to work that much harder to maintain their own individual self and to not fall into the pattern of codependence where you want the other person to be okay, for you to be okay, but they have a very true preference that the other person really feels good and that's understandable and that's good. So what happens if you're in a relationship with somebody who is having a hard time? What happens when their heart is breaking and you're there to witness it?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:24

I think, first and foremost, one of the things that I share, and I hope that you hear, is that we're not in sole recovery in a place where we're being encouraged to be quiet, where we're being encouraged to not speak to the elephant in the room. I think there's a lot of mixed messages in the recovery community around what to say, and I think that there's a fine line in learning how to be present in what's really going on with you from a healthy place and having a voice and trying to control another person or fix another person or judge another person. So what we can really recognize in our soul recovery journey and path is that checking in with yourself and how you're feeling is the number one thing that you need to be doing, recognizing that, asking how someone is doing or having suggestions. To be honest, you know so I'll just you know I always do better when I use an example. So, luckily, just with absolute joy and celebration, I want to announce that both of my kids are doing better than they've ever done in their adult life ever. And if you've listened to this podcast, this is a fricking miracle upon all miracles, and it's a miracle that I'm doing better too, and it's a miracle that Rich is doing better. I mean, the truth is that our family is probably in its best emotional mental state that it's been in since I don't even know how long, probably in an eternity, right in our making and when I think about what steps did I take to get to the place where I could give my children and my husband their emotional well-being and their balance back? And there has definitely been times when that's not the state that they're in. So, with both of the boys and I talk about Alex so much so I'm just going to, you know, bring Bodhi in as well so with both of the kids, there has definitely been times when they are in a pretty frightening place of darkness.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:51

Bodhi, in particular, has been up and down over the last couple of years. He's been on the podcast numerous times. He's shared incredibly vulnerably and openly about this journey that he's been on. That doesn't only include addiction. It includes his mental health and, to be honest, addiction is a reaction and a response to not being mentally well. There is a component of addictive substances that create addiction, but generally we don't go into that addictive space if we're not feeling unbalanced and unwell within ourselves in the first place. There's always something underneath that is trying to heal or not feel the pain. So the truth is, anxiety and depression usually are the reasons why people are using in the first place they're trying to cover up or do something about those uncomfortable feelings. So over the last couple of years, bodhi in particular has really struggled with a lot of his internal feelings. He had a lot of self-loathing. He had a lot of really high end pressure of thinking that he needed to be perfect, that he needed to really meet the expectations of not only us but an entire community that he's in, and the heaviness that weighed on him. Now I always am suggesting to my kids they get help if they need it. However, have they taken that suggestion? Not one time have they said okay, I'm going to go get counseling.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:33

The piece that is our sole recovery journey that we need to remember is that it isn't about not talking about it and it isn't about forcing them to do something. It's this balance in between where we're witnessing and looking at being a mirror for, but really holding space for, the complexity and the difficulty and the pain that it is to be human, because that's what we're doing for ourselves. And here you are doing the work on you. You've made a choice to listen to this podcast. You've made a choice to read the books that you're reading. You've made a choice to either get counseling from me or for someone else. You've made a choice to do something about it for yourself. You are here working on you, and that is the number one important thing that you're following your spiritual path. Then here we are with the other people and we're noticing and we're seeing.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:34

It's difficult for them Now when it affects you in relationship. When Alex and Bodhi were living with us, their energy would affect the whole house. If they weren't happy or if something was going on, you could feel that tension and we talk about it as walking on eggshells. Now what I can see now that I couldn't see then was every time I walk on the eggshells, I'm encouraging them to be in the behavior in which they are exuding themselves. They're controlling, they're in their protector mode. They're utilizing whatever their skills are to try to get whatever their needs that they are trying to get met in an unhealthy way. And it isn't about being Pollyanna and walking around like everything's just fine and pretending like it doesn't exist either. And again, all of this is nuanced and complicated and every family is different.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:34

But what I recognize that started to change was I started to decide that I was responsible for how I felt and that if I could hold space for them, with the knowing that they too are resourced and held by a higher power if they so choose to see it, that's step two in soul recovery, open to awareness of a power greater than ourselves who can offer healing. Insanity in our lives, that's not just for me, that's for them. So when I'm in presence with somebody who's having their dark night of the soul and I stop thinking that I have to fix it, if I stop thinking I need to do something about it, and I start thinking they too have a power greater than themselves that can restore them to sanity if they choose to see it Now, if it is affecting you in your life where you have maybe you have a spouse who lost their job and of course they're going through it. I'm actually kind of going through this with Rich because his work in the business that he's self-employed in doing yards and construction dried up for the winter so he wasn't laid off by somebody else. But there's no jobs right now for him.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:59

And I'll tell you what. He went down the tank there for a minute and he got scared and he got. He doesn't get angry anymore. He gets in this place where he's checked out. He's not emotionally present and he wants to control and fix and he kind of gets dog matic about like, well, here's what we're going to do and here's what this is, and I don't like it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:30

But in the past I would have. I would have coached him, to be honest, I would have coached him and I would have tried to have him listen to some Abraham Hicks. I would have tried to reassure him about what was going on and fluff up the situation to try to make him feel better about himself and to try to make him stop being uncomfortable and stop being controlling and stop being intense. And what I did this time was we talked about it and we talked about it from this place. That is new for me in the last couple of years, where I do the work that we've talked about in previous episodes, about me attending to my younger selves, making sure that my protectors have their new roles and jobs.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:20

If you listen to that episode around holding space and not feeling like I have to hold his responsibility. And for the first time he really started to share what was really going on with him. He's 57 years old and doing this hard labor. He's really coming to an end with it and it scares him. It scares him that physically he can't do it and that he doesn't know what to do next, that he's worked for himself for so long and he's unsure of what to happen next.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:59

And I sat and I just listened and I just held space and I saw him from my perspective, from my side. I saw him as whole. I saw him as sharing instead of as complaining. I didn't fall into my fear and he said you know, I think you heard me. I think this is the first time that I really felt heard by you on this topic, because in the past, I'd always do the thing that was like, oh, something will always come up and will be fine, and you're so talented, honey, and everything's going to be Pollyanna, pollyanna, pollyanna. Well, that didn't make him feel heard. So what's interesting is I was able to come back and say here's our financial situation, here's how much money I'm making in my business, here's what we have in savings, here's what we can do right now. We're safe for this amount of time. And that gives you enough space for this amount of time for you to start to contemplate what you want to do next and for us to figure out how we're going to support each other, how we're going to be in this together. And it gave him space to not fall into fear. But who had to choose? That was him. He had to be the one that decided that.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:26

Now, when you have somebody who is depressed or full of anxiety and they're not choosing to want to be better, there's something very real about that, and the more that we allow their actions to affect us in a negative way, we're taking away every bit of strength that we have and we're handing it to them. We're losing our power. Now, if Rich had gone into a major depression and I said I think it'd be a really good time for you to see a doctor. I think there's always important to look at medications. I think there's always importance to speak to somebody. I actually did say I think it might be a good idea for you to find a coach, or to find a mentor or somebody that can help walk you through this, because he doesn't like me to coach him. I'm his wife. I'm not his coach. I may be a spiritual being, but to him I'm his wife and he chose not to do that.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:31

But it's important for us to share and to speak from our heart and to offer these things and then, if they don't take them, then we're handing them the responsibility for their own well-being. Now, just pretending that he had gone down a really dark road. Maybe he started to drink heavily again, maybe he went off the rails in some way, and these things do happen. There's a big difference between being present for somebody in their darkness and giving them space to move through that and not being affected by it, and allowing and accepting people to be exactly who they are, and also the balance of somebody who is not choosing to make moves for themselves, who is stuck and that we may have to make decisions that are really around our best benefit, that are around us, taking care of ourselves, maybe our kids, maybe making sure that we are financially okay when somebody is making poor decisions.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:48

Being loving doesn't mean that you allow unacceptable behavior, and people can be in very dark places and still have the grace and the awareness to want to choose to be better Now. It doesn't mean that they're going to be better right away. It doesn't mean that they take medication and a month later everything's fine and dandy. But you have to really look at what it is for you and I'm not telling you to stay, I'm not telling you to leave. I'm not telling you anything outside of the piece that says you know in your heart who that person is and what their participation in their own wellness is, and from that place and from your healed place of soul recovery, you can make decisions for yourself and you can be present in that relationship and you can attend to yourself and you can participate in every conversation, from a place that is around your wholeness and the expectation and seeing them as their wholeness, but not allowing behaviors that are going to be detrimental to you or your family in the long run Now, letting my kids go through the stuff that they've gone through, letting Bodhi go through that really difficult time, which included him choosing drugs and alcohol as his main form of checkout. And all those years ago, when Alex was really in his darkest, darkest place, man did I try to get him to therapy. Man did I try to get him help. He was resistant and said no every single time.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:36

And the more that I learned how to just love them, the more that I learned how to see them in their wholeness and to respond to them from a place is, as I know, you've got this. I know that you are going to be able to work through this. This is tough. These are hard decisions to make. Yeah, yeah, you're right. That must have been really painful. I see how hard that was for you. No, I'm not going to save you this time. I think that you can do this for yourself. I see you being able to make it through this. I wish you could see how much you are loved and how talented you are. The way that I see how loved you are and how talented you are. I wish you could see it from my perspective. I held space for them and through that, with the grace of spirit and my doing my work so that I could let them be themselves, they're finding their way and Bodhi just today posted on social media that he's happier than he's ever been, that he changed jobs, he changed his life and he moved into a place where he was able to put more time and energy into his mental well-being and he's choosing less and less of the behaviors that aren't good for him.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:58

Alex has gotten into one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen him in and he was truly happy in our time together in December. And when I talk to him he's handling his life in a way that is healthier than I've ever seen him. And there's still a lot of difficult, weird stuff going on. He's got a lot of adulting issues, but I can hold that space that says I don't have to be thinking constantly around are they okay? Because when I do that I'm actually energetically into the world saying they're not okay. If I hold this space that says I see them as whole and I see them as well and I hold the knowing that they too can choose to see themselves that way and be and live that way if they decide that they are ready and want to. I'm holding space and attracting the healthier way of being. So if you have somebody who lives in your house who is dealing with heavy depression, with heavy anxiety, my heart goes out to you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:14

It's not easy, but the sole recovery journey is around us turning the attention to ourselves and our own spiritual practice and remembering that each of us is making a conscious decision every step of the way of how we choose to see it. We are responsible for how we choose to see it. Our lives are what we think and feel and believe they are. And if we model wholeness, if we model healthy living, if we model seeing ourselves as happy, healthy and whole, we are reflecting that opportunity for them to see themselves the same. And if we can only connect energetically in ways that encourage that in them, but don't control or demand or judge them, they are given more space for them to make that decision for themselves. But some people may need to leave the immediate area of somebody who is choosing to not get better to save themselves, and that's okay. Not easy, but it's okay. Being a human being is difficult, it's complicated, but the more that we do the spiritual work, the more that the weight of the world and the heaviness is lifted and we just see the tenderness and the complexity of the human condition, and then we do our spiritual work of remembering that we don't have to be in the pain. We can be in the present moment and remember the wholeness of who we are.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 32:59

Until next time, namaste, thank you for listening to the Recovery Soul podcast and if you loved what you heard here, every Friday we have a bonus episode and you can access this by becoming a subscriber through Apple podcasts for only $3.99 a month, or become a Patreon member and on this platform you can choose $5.15 or $25 a month to show what you want to support the show with. On both of these subscriber platforms is an entire catalog of back episodes intended to inspire and support you on your soul recovery journey. I really want to invite everybody to attend the free once a month, every first Monday of the month support group. This is on Zoom. Everyone is welcome to attend and by giving a like or a review and sharing this with your friends and family really helps us to share the soul recovery message with even more people.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 33:57

We are on social media. We are on all the platforms. I am on TikTok. You can listen to guided meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight Timer. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for being part of the community. To find out more about soul recovery and everything that's being offered, visit the website wwwrecoveryoursoulnet. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.