Navigating Changing Friendships: Building Healthy Connections with Soul Recovery

In this episode of the Recover Your Soul podcast, we dive deep into the complexities of healing relationships—both financially and emotionally—on the path from addiction to authenticity. Whether you’ve been impacted by addiction yourself or by the dysfunction of others, the journey to recovery offers profound opportunities for growth and transformation.

I open up about my own experiences with my husband, Rich, and the layers of healing we’ve navigated around money, trust, and communication. For so many of us, financial struggles in relationships mirror deeper emotional wounds that need to be addressed, and this process isn’t easy. It requires us to step into vulnerability, let go of past stories, and create space for new possibilities.

Through Soul Recovery, we’re invited to look beyond the surface of addiction and see the true, authentic self—both in ourselves and in those we love. This episode explores how healing these wounds can bring deeper connection, trust, and alignment in relationships.

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Visit the website to learn more about Soul Recovery.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Soul Recovery and Relationships
• 9:38 Money Trust and Healing Relationships
• 20:44 Healing Through Soul Recovery and Transformation
• 31:31 Building a Soul Recovery Community

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:43

Stepping into and trusting our soul recovery process is many layers. You know many of us are here because of addiction or because of dysfunction of other people in our life or because of ourselves, and we're stepping more fully into our complete transformation and we're also in relationships with others. I know that my husband continues to be a massive teacher in my life for me to see myself more clearly. And as he steps more fully into his soul recovery journey, I'm being invited to step even more deeply into truly honestly looking at myself and to recognize the parts of myself that are still afraid to heal, afraid to let go of the past, afraid to let go of those old beliefs. And in this conversation I talk about the complexity that my husband and I've had around money and our relationship with money in our marriage and how we're learning how to speak to each other and to connect in ways that are healthier. And yet it is giving me a lot of opportunity to look at my own stuff. That's what we're doing in soul recovery is we're healing and looking at our own stuff. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the recover your soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:09

My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast. I'm Rev Rachel. Thank you for being part of this amazing community, whether you're new or coming back again and again. This time that we have together is so valuable and I am so grateful that we are continuing to grow and thrive and help and support and connect with each other. This is a big deal, this soul recovery work that we're doing. We are learning to turn the attention to ourself, to let go of the outside world, to stop being told how we feel by how other people are doing in their life. So much is crazy out there and there's so many people, both in our direct lives and our families, who are struggling with their own issues addiction or dysfunction or depression, whatever it is and we're actually choosing. We're coming here and choosing that we're going to determine how we feel that we're going to be okay or whole, or more attuned to our true self. We're going to recognize our feelings, we're going to connect, we are ready to let go of what no longer serves us, regardless of what's happening on the outside. And yet, and yet, we are still in relationship with people, we are still being affected by the relationships that we're in, and it's not about dismissing or letting go of those relationships, it's about being more present in those relationships.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:08

And what I think is so fascinating about this community here is most of you came here because of addiction. You maybe you searched Al-Anon, maybe you search codependence, whatever it was that brought you here, our own spiritual awakening. And yet we have to look at the hard facts of what's happening within our lives. And what I think is so wild is you know, I've been with Rich for 32 years. I've been sober for over six years coming up in February will be seven years for me and Rich has been sober for that amount of time. On his spiritual emotional journey to his level, he was definitely not drinking anywhere close to what he used to drink from six years ago, but he continued to dabble and have drinks here and there, and I think I mean again, I say he tells me he hasn't had a drink for like six months or something, but I don't even ask him anymore because it's really none of my business, because we end up putting so much energy on the actual substance.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:20

But what we're looking at is what's underneath, and so what I want to talk about today is a continued journey of my own soul recovery and this working with other people in my life, my relationships within my life, and how we as human beings are interacting with each other from these new ways of being. Soul recovery is this incredible process to allow us to choose that we are going to see our lives different, that we're ready for our own awakening, that we're ready to decide for ourselves how we're going to be in our lives, and then to work through old beliefs and old systems and what is underneath, what is really inside of our subconscious, from old, old, old stories that we've been holding onto for such a long time, and to break them apart, begin to release and let them go and truly step into a connection with a higher power and rewrite our story, update and up-level our belief systems, our patterns, change how our brain actually is structured and begin to show up and see the world from a new perception, in a way that is connected to the true, authentic nature of who we are. And yet it doesn't happen all at once and it doesn't just switch off and you never have to be affected by those old belief systems again. It's just always changing and growing and shifting. So if you've been following my story and been listening to the episodes and Consection, then you know that Rich and I in the last couple months had a situation where it had gotten back to sort of some very standard status quo ways and I felt like he was slipping back into more of a quote unquote, dry, drunk scenario where he wasn't using right. You put so much energy on whether someone's using the substance or having the addictive behavior, but really what we want is we want soul recovery from them. We want them to show up in their authentic self. We want deep connection. We want interactions that are fulfilling. We want to have safety in these relationships.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:38

And if you're like me and you've been with somebody or a family member of somebody or in a situation, I've been with this man for 32 years. I'm 54 years old, I've been with him more than I wasn't and this is my entire adult life, basically since I was 22 years old, I have been in relationship with Rich and we have been through it. I recognize that there was so much energy I put for so long around whether he was drinking or not. We went to AA because I wanted him to quit drinking. I was obsessed around him drinking. Was he drinking, was he drinking?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:20

And now that he doesn't drink, then there's this piece that says okay, that actually was just the tip of the iceberg around how you dealt with the life and the emotions that were complicated within you, as I did, because when I quit drinking I started really working on myself. So our relationship had this moment where we had a conversation. That's so nice, we don't really have arguments anymore, but we had an intense conversation that ended up me saying I am drawing a boundary. I'm not giving an ultimatum, drawing a boundary that says this doesn't work for me and that for me to continue to be on my soul recovery journey, I need to be in a relationship that is more dedicated, more connected, more authentic, that has a moving direction into wholeness and not being complacent and not stuck. And so Rich has been going to therapy and it's very interesting. He's having him read some books. He had him read a book called no More Mr Nice Guy, and this next book that he's listening to is around masculine relationships, and so he's coming forward to me from this place that I asked for.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:39

And what I want to talk about today is how fascinating it is, this uncovering of ourselves, that I'm being invited to step more fully into my soul recovery, in this new capacity around communication and really having more layers of my own onion to unpeel around my protection. What I think is so interesting is, you know, some of you have commented that you like the Oracle cards and some of you have commented that you're not a big fan of the Oracle cards. I like Oracle cards for me because I feel like I'm moving more and more into this inner knowing for myself, and yet I still question myself. I still have these moments where I just want some validation for what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling, and I personally have found the Oracle cards to really speak to me. So this morning I was journaling around these conversations that Rich and I have been having the last couple days, based on him coming back from therapy and trying to show up in these new, more healthy ways of being and I'm so loving that he is actually having these more complicated and psychological and spiritual conversations around how to have a healthier relationship.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:04

And at the same time, I am recognizing that I had become complacent in this divide that was between us. That was like I can kind of put you over there on this shelf, that you're doing your own thing on this shelf, that you're doing your own thing, that you're in your own experience and I'm just going to put almost like a divider between us and I'm going to really be in my lane, but in my own lane I'm actually not dealing with and looking at some of the stuff that needs to be healed. So it's this super fascinating awareness that we need relationships with other people for us to see and mirror for ourselves more clearly what is happening within ourselves. So one of Rich and I's very complicated relationships with each other is around money and I'm sure many of you can relate to this. Money is a trigger point. Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Well, I am here to support you as your spiritual coach. Visit the website to book one on one coaching sessions with me as we transform your life through working the nine steps of soul recovery. You can also choose to work the steps on your own through the modules at your own pace. I'm excited to also be announcing that there are retreats every year, both in Colorado and other places in the country, workshops and events, and I hope that you also will join us the first Monday of every month from 6 to 7 pm, mountain Standard Time for the free Zoom support group. This is an amazing place for us to connect, learn and share our stories. And don't forget to join the private Facebook group for soul recovery, inspiration connection, answering each other's questions and giving shout outs. I thank you for supporting this podcast, either by being a Patreon member, apple podcast subscriber and getting that extra episode every Friday, or by your one-time donations or your small monthly donations that are found in the show notes. You are helping spread the soul recovery message and supporting this community. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet for dates, times, everything that's happening, register for the support group and how to stay connected. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:27

I was raised really with no money. My parents were hippies. When I was growing up, we had what we needed, but I also remember that we had food scarcity. That I can remember there was. You know, it wasn't like we were starving, but there was no refrigerator filled with a whole bunch of food. I remember that there was some element of needing and wanting more, but it just wasn't and we didn't go out to eat. We didn't have money to go out to eat. And when my mom was in graduate school, we actually did this thing where we would show up to people's houses at dinnertime in hopes that we would be invited to dinner, which we always were. Someone's not going to show up at dinnertime and you're not going to say, oh, we were just sitting down to dinner if you could leave, and that was because we really didn't have that much money, and I took that in as a little girl.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 14:20

This is one of the things that we talk about in soul recovery is it creates patterns and beliefs and systems within ourselves and I think it's important that when we are looking at trauma or belief systems, we're not wanting to go in and repeat and repeat and repeat and talk about it and talk about it and re-traumatize ourselves. This is about just touching and tasting and understanding how a belief was created, so that you can give that space compassion. So I've recognized for a long time that because we didn't have that much. And it wasn't until gosh, maybe middle school, when my stepdad came into the picture and he had a little bit more money, there was even any stretch at all. My parents, you know, they just did a beautiful job with what they had, but there just wasn't any money, and so I always felt bad for asking for anything. I always felt bad around money, and so I have something in my system that is around feeling bad about money.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:24

And Rich came from his own world, which is he came from a more middle class environment in California and his dad was the head pro at the country club, teaching golf there, and so you had your nice suit and you went to the country club and you had this sort of aura of this nice life, and so he has, in his own mind, this vision of money and what that looks like. Well, I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty details, but ultimately that concept that you look at, mine is sparse and his is enough, which is kind of interesting because it has moved around for us as our marriage has happened. We lived by credit cards in a fashion that allowed the life that Rich was used to, this higher life that you get to do whatever you want to do, and this life that I wanted because I never had to have more than what we could afford and we ended up getting ourselves into huge credit card debt over and over and over, and we had to refinance our house a couple times and that's why a house that I've owned now for 30 years I still have a mortgage on is because we had to refinance our house to be able to pay off these credit cards. And through all that, it created some really really painful and difficult situations and arguments and behavior patterns between Rich and I where we struggled with how to deal with money. So here we are sober ish for him, but you know, in this healing journey for the last six years, and he's going to therapy and we're starting to actually have conversations in a healthy way, or healthier way than we ever had before, and what I wanted to share with you is my own experience.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:22

So what I recognized last night we went down to Denver to go have a date. He asked me out on a date and we were going to go meet up with some of his friends, which we went to this place to meet up with his friends and it turned out it was the wrong night. That was pretty funny. And then we went to this place to eat and so we had this long drive in the car on each side and you know how car rides are the place where you can end up having more depth of conversations. And we have some tax stuff that we need to deal with, we need to pay quarterly taxes and we have some other financial stuff that's going on. That has got me activated and I'm recognizing that it has me activated, and Rich just wants to talk about it, right, because it feels different to him.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:10

And so last night we're in the car and we're talking about some other things that are these honest conversations that I can't believe, that we're actually opening to these really amazing conversations, but money still is this one that's really intense. And he says I don't really want to bring really amazing conversations, but money still is this one that's really intense. And he says I don't really want to bring down the mood and I'm afraid actually to talk about this. I recognize I'm afraid to talk about it. And he said but I'm recognizing that we might have some trust issues with each other that we might want to address. And my response was yeah, I agree, and I love that you're opening this up to talk about it. We ended up having this beautiful conversation where he said I really think it stems around our money situations that we've had with each other. And I said I agree and we're going to go to the therapist together next week so we'll have this space to be able to share more about this.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:09

But in that moment I felt such closeness to him because he was stepping in in a way that felt safer and more connecting to me, and this was what I had wanted all those years. When it was doused with alcohol, right Like that, he was consumed with this other thing and so his other person was showing up, instead of this sort of clear-minded, more authentic, caring piece of him that's asking questions like I recognize I don't have some trust in you that I need, and I'm able to say I recognize I don't have some trust in you that I need, and I'm able to say I recognize I am also feeling some of those same things. And so this morning we wake up and I hadn't woken up yet and he's in this space. He'd been awake for about an hour already and the tax stuff is out on the table and he was like hey, I wanted to talk about this tax stuff and it triggered me that I immediately I hadn't had my mind right yet so immediately I went into that little girl that doesn't have enough, that is fearful, that is in trouble, that, and I could feel all those feelings and I just said I have a request that we don't have these heavy, intense conversations before I've woken up yet. I said I recognize that I'm in a reactive state and I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm feeling like I'm in trouble and I can feel that I don't want to talk about it at this very moment.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:45

And he did something that he never used to do, which, instead of being reactive or defensive, or we have to deal with this, or how he used to show up, that was unsafe for me. Right, this is my safety. He said absolutely, I'm sorry I brought it up so early. You haven't even had a cup of coffee yet. He gave me a hug. He said let's look at it this afternoon. I want to get home from work. Will that work for you? And I said yes, thank you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:11

And then I went to my journal and I sat down with my morning meditation and my incense and the music and the whole thing. And I want to tell you that what came to me was something really deep underneath that doesn't want to actually move into a healthier place in my relationship, and this is a really wild thing for me to really look at that aspect of myself that is working so hard on my soul recovery and wants so much to truly connect and to be open, and that part of me that is like, oh my God, he's stepping into this place where I'm going to actually have to go one layer deeper, three layers deeper, 10 layers deeper, and actually trust and open in a way that I've never done before. I recognized as terrifying that there's something within my person that is seeing that actually it worked for me when he was checked out that I could be on my end of things saying, see, I'm working on my things and I have all this awareness and I'm I'm good. Look at me, I'm on my soul recovery journey. But really this him leaning into him, working on himself, this next level is inviting me and asking me that I have to go that next step and I actually have to be willing to and ready to completely forgive.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:44

To completely forgive and what I came to in my journaling and awareness was around this piece of us that of course, we have our information from our previous 32 years together and there's all these stories around money and all these stories that I have around how we've treated who made the money. He's always made more money than me, so you know he's been the provider, quote unquote, and always made you know either all of it or most of it or on some level. It's always been much heavier on his end and I've felt inadequate around what I provide and so I haven't felt like I can ask for what I want. So I basically don't really ask for very much and we always joke that he's incredibly expensive. He's the one with all this surfboards and all the gear and the things that he has a garage filled with tools and everything that he needs or wants and I almost never ask for anything because there's a little girl who doesn't think that she deserves it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:53

Now, this work that we're doing in soul recovery is for ourselves. It's for our souls that are here to expand and learn more and to move past our human hurts and our human attachment to wanting to attach to these stories, and I watched how my little girl inside didn't want to let go of the story of not being enough, didn't want to let go of the story of not being able to ask for what I need and the exposure that I felt to this vulnerable space that said you have to be willing and ready to let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been around money with your husband for 32 years. And can you and are you willing to do that? And, wow, was there resistance in that? That? Some of that safety, some of that trust, that protector I could really feel the protector within me that's standing at the door of my heart, that's saying I don't think I can let this go.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:07

There's been so much hurt around this, a lot of hurt around money, and at the same time, I can feel my higher self saying wow, what a great opportunity to really move further into this authentic self, this piece that can let go of what, anything that was, and be present today in what is today, with the human being who's showing up in my life today my husband and me, and the money situation that we're in now. You know, the truth is we're not people that have a huge amount by any stretch and at the same time we are in a better financial state than we've ever been in our whole life, right, when your kids move out and you don't pay for anybody else at this point. And now I make half. I make the same half that he makes, so there's more. On that end, I am in my own mind about the value of myself. This is the work that we're doing. It's really not about Rich, it's really about me and how I'm showing up for me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:21

Am I ready to open my heart completely? Am I ready to let go of that guard that I have that says don't come close to me, that this is my protection, that I can use this as a reason that I can't let you in? And here he is coming closer, saying let's work on this, let's get clean about this, let's actually talk about it and figure it out. About it and figure it out, and this piece of us that can begin to just open to all the complex parts of ourselves and of the people around us, of our defensive posturing, of our old beliefs Wow, this belief is still in there and it still needs resolve, it still needs compassion, it still needs love and it really comes down to that base underneath fear that says I'm unlovable and I'm unworthy and I'm undeserving and every protection is terrified, to truly let go of that erroneous belief. That's not true and I can feel that when I'm in my journaling, when I'm connected to source, I can feel this dance between the two sides of myself, that in-between place that is so full with my higher self, that feels this connection to source, that knows that releasing all of these old belief systems will bring me more in alignment with myself, that will give me a more fulfilling marriage, that will allow me to really connect with other people in a way that is exactly what I've been wanting, that feels right for me, and the fear that I feel within myself to truly step fully into that authentic place. I can feel the fear, step fully into that authentic place. I can feel the fear. Wow.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:12

So here I am on my soul recovery and it is incredible, the layers that we all have and this offering that we all have to begin to look at how we're showing up and what we're using for defenses and all of these interesting smoke screens, alcohol being one of them, and you know it's interesting. Rich has been talking a lot more about his addiction in ways that are very insightful, and I see that for my kids, you know, who are still both sober, one more than the other, it's not about the alcohol, it's about the healing of their souls. It's about the opportunity for them to step into this place that I'm asking my whole family to step into, to really move into our higher selves. And yet, at the same time again, it's not about them doing it for them. This is about me doing it for me, and I've had another opportunity to truly look at how I'm I'm seeing it, what is my perception here, what is the way that I am ready to move into a higher space with myself, my connection with source, my willingness to let go of the past, my willingness to be present right here, my willingness to step through the nine steps of soul recovery process and continue to unfold and to update and to set belief systems and patterns that are more aligned with where I am today. So I hope that story was helpful to you in terms of what's happening in my life.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 30:00

I know many of you really are responding back about how my stories help you see yourself in your life, and that's my hope. I really hope that you get little tiny tidbits of something that gives you an opening, because the truth is you know you don't need anybody actually to give you anything that is not already innately within you. You are here because my voice resonates with your journey. Already You're being called to your higher self by higher power through my words, to remind you who you are already. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul. Until next time, namaste, thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 30:53

I just wanted to give you a quick reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast and this is available both to Apple podcast subscribers for $3.99 a month, or it's available for both free and paid Patreon members. So as a Patreon member, you can choose. Do you want to support the podcast with $5, $10, or $25 a month? Totally volunteer. But to let you know that if you want to listen to those bonus episodes incredible interviews, wonderful book studies you don't have to be a paid member. You can access them in the first week or two that they're available free on Patreon.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:31

This community is so important to me and I want you to know I treat it with love and consideration. If you want coaching, I'm here for you. You want to come to a retreat. I'm here for you. You want to come to the free Soul Recovery Support Group. The community is here for you. Watch us on Facebook, instagram, follow us on all the social media for daily inspiration, be part of the Facebook group. And one of the most important things is that you share this podcast with people that you think that it will resonate with, that you think that they're interested. Give it five stars, give it a review. We are growing this community together because together we can do the work that will recover your soul.