Recover Your Soul: A Spiritual Path to a Happy and Healthy Life

They Are Responsible for Their Own Well-Being: Breaking Free from Codependency Patterns with Soul Recovery

Rev. Rachel Harrison Season 5 Episode 50

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In this episode of the Recover Your Soul Podcast, we dive deep into a transformational truth: You are responsible for your own well-being.... and discomfort- and so are they. Breaking free from the patterns of codependence and people-pleasing is not about abandoning the people you love but about reclaiming your power, your peace, and your freedom.

We explore the profound shift that happens when you stop trying to fix, change, or control others and instead turn your attention inward—healing yourself from the inside out. Through personal reflections, including my own challenges and insights in relationships, I share how Soul Recovery helps us let go of the illusion of control and step into a life of authentic connection and inner peace.

This episode is an invitation to embrace your spiritual journey and find the courage to trust that others are responsible for their own well-being and discomfort, just as you are responsible for yours. It's not always easy, but when you focus on your own growth, healing, and wholeness, you create ripple effects that transform not only your life but the lives of those around you.

FREE Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom- 1st Monday of the Month from 6-7PM Mountain Time, free and open to everyone!

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Visit the website to learn more about Soul Recovery.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

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Rev Rachel Harrison:

Life is indeed layered and complicated. There's no doubt about that. But what's interesting is that we're learning in soul recovery that we are responsible for our own well-being and discomfort. We're learning how to stop giving our power away by needing others to be okay, for us to be okay, to stop trying to put all our energy into fixing, helping, changing them. When we allow ourselves to be responsible for our own well-being and to be responsible for the parts of our lives that feel discomfort, we're actually stepping into freedom. We're stepping into our power, we're stepping into the truth that our soul is here to learn and grow and expand. And in this experience of self-respons responsibility, we are raising our consciousness, we are choosing how we want to see it. The life that you have on the outside is a reflection of how you feel on the inside. So when you heal the inside, when you work on your own well being, you will have change and reflection that is positive on the outside. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Rev Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recovery Soul Podcast. It's Rev Rachel and I am so, so glad that we're all here together. If you are here for the first time, maybe you just started listening to the Soul Recovery Podcast. I'm so glad you're here in this community. It is more than just this podcast. There is so much more, and every day I just reflect at how lucky I feel, how much gratitude is in my heart around the teachings that I'm bringing in for myself, the soul recovery that I'm experiencing, and how it is indeed reaching out and touching the lives of others who are ready to hear, ready to see, ready to listen, ready to make changes in their lives. And we came here partly because there's so much out there that feels overwhelming. Maybe you have someone in your life who's an addict or has mental illness or has some sort of dysfunction in some way. Maybe you were raised with that. Maybe you've got kids who, like I did, adult kids who are really struggling with addiction. And here we are in this space where we're ready to find our own inner peace, we're ready to take our power back, to recognize that we are responsible for our own well-being. And this is the line that has been coming to me that I wanted to talk about today. It is we are responsible for our own well-being and our own discomfort. And the next line that comes to me is so are they? So are they? They too are responsible for their own wellbeing and they too are responsible for their own discomfort.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

As soul recovery continues to unfurl for me, continues to really progress, and I get more and more clarity around it all the time, I'm having more and more clarity within it for myself and more opportunities always to experience it in my own life, especially with my husband and kids and family, and I love that. I love that I'm not here standing on some soapbox saying I've got it all figured out, because that is not the case at all. I am just so grateful that more and more information is coming in and really tuning in, resonating with, aligning with a inner knowing and a truth that is truly transforming how I feel in my body, how I feel in my life, and it doesn't mean that everything's easy or simple or without pain or without a lot of emotion that comes with it. It's I'm letting go of the suffering, the desire that it be something that it isn't, the desire to change it, to fix it, to save everybody, to keep everybody from feeling anything. That might be difficult. And you know, what's funny is everything is actually working out in everyone else's lives. The more I let go, the more I release, the more I stand in my own lane and really contemplate my own well-being, my own discomfort, really attend to myself, the more I'm finding that the people in my life who I attached so deeply to to try to fix and change to be the best that I could for them. Right, we don't do that because we have some malicious intent. We're doing it because we're wanting them to have it easy. We want it to be easier for them. But what I'm finding more and more is this deep knowing and awareness that this soul's experience, this soul's journey that we're on in this body this time and again, as I always say, take what you need and leave the rest.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

If I ever say something that is a little too far out there for you. That's okay. That's okay. I am not asking you to totally buy into any belief system. I actually want to inspire and encourage you to be curious on your own about what really resonates with you. So when I share, I'm really sharing my experience of how it's working, through my perceptions, and I really want you to know deeply, know that I encourage you to be curious and explore on your own. So if I ever say something that is a little bit off, just put it to the side, just keep listening and just take what really comes in. But I believe that our souls come into this body this time.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I do believe in reincarnation. I was raised Buddhist, so it's a very normal thing for me. It was a foundational piece for me, and spirituality teaches there's so many religions that actually teach this concept of reincarnation that there's so much more, and Jesus taught that there was heaven on earth or hell on earth, instead of it being something that we go to later. Jesus spoke very, very, very intently about. The kingdom of heaven is here now, and this is what I actually believe is so interesting. That forms around all the spiritual teachings and all the religions is how you are here now is the reality in which you experience, and really that's all that matters. And so this ability for us to cultivate the world and the reality and the mindset and to be responsible for our own well-being is the teachings that the masters have been bringing to us for such a long time.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

We're just mired in our ego self, that part of our psyche that is attached to the mind, the me, that I want, the, I need, the make it easy for me, the help me figure it out. And what I really really love that's coming to me lately in soul recovery, is this awareness of how important this present moment is, right here, right now. Of course we've had the experience of the past, of course there's going to be something in the future, but really the only place that we have any what's the word I'm trying to think of any dominion, any part of us that's really connected to what is is right here. We really waste our time and energy being completely consumed with what happened already and what we're afraid might happen, or trying to control what happens in the future, and then you miss right now. You miss your well-being right here, right now.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So what I want to talk about today is whatever energy speaks through me, as you know, when I do these podcasts, I have an idea of what I want to talk about. Today is whatever energy speaks through me. As you know, when I do these podcasts, I have an idea of what I want to talk about, and then I do a meditation before we get started and then I close my eyes and I just allow it all to pour through me and I'm always kind of amazed at what comes, because it's not something that I planned, at what comes because it's not something that I planned. I am not here writing a script and then trying to tell you anything. You know, the truth is you have all of this within you already. This is the knowing that is not unique. I am not giving you any wisdom that you don't already feel and know. I'm just reminding you of your wholeness, of your enoughness, and in that we're really having this experience together because I've been reminded of my wholeness, of my enoughness, and the experiences that I have in my life now have less suffering.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

We've talked about suffering in the past. Suffering is not the experience of the human condition, but it is our attachment to wanting it to be different, wanting it to be something other than what it is, wanting to fix or change, wanting to push and make things happen, because ultimately, the ultimate goal we're trying to have is to have safety. We're trying to make ourselves be able to know what to expect to be out of discomfort and, interestingly enough, we need a little bit of edgy discomfort to be able to grow and shift and expand and be willing to move forward and do hard things. So it's funny that we're trying to keep ourselves from that discomfort, but really we need that to move forward.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

What I wanted to talk a little bit more about is really this codependent behavior that we have of thinking that it is our job and responsibility to be there to fix somebody else, to have responsibility over their well-being, that we think that it's our job to make them happy, and what we talk a lot about in soul recovery is, of course, that is the belief system that was set up from us when we were younger, and it's so ingrained and so enriched into our being that it's really hard for us to let go of this concept that says they are responsible for their experience, they are responsible for their feelings, they are responsible for the choices that they make, and when we spend so much time and energy on the them. We are not spending the time and energy on the us, on our growth, our healing, our experience. And you know what's hard is that we love the people in our lives? Of course we do. We want them to be happy and joyous and free. But the only control that you have is your own joy, your own freedom. There's this incredible freedom that comes when we truly surrender and let go and recognize that we're powerless over everything outside of ourself, that we can't make anything happen for anyone else. It's this incredible allowance and freedom, but it means that you are responsible for how you choose to see it, how you choose to show up. And it's funny that we can be so full of expectation of what we think everybody else should be doing and, at the same time, we lose sight of how we are showing up, how we are feeling. Well, I am here to support you as your spiritual coach. Visit the website to book one-on-one coaching sessions with me as we transform your life through working the nine steps of soul recovery. You can also choose to work the steps on your own through the modules, at your own pace. I'm excited to also be announcing that there are retreats every year, both in Colorado and other places in the country, workshops and events, and I hope that you also will join us the first Monday of every month from 6 to 7pm Mountain Standard time for the free Zoom support group. This is an amazing place for us to connect, learn and share our stories. And don't forget to join the private Facebook group for soul recovery, inspiration, connection, answering each other's questions and giving shout outs. I thank you for supporting this podcast, either by being a Patreon member, apple podcast subscriber and getting that extra episode every Friday, or by your one time donations or your small monthly donations that are found in the show notes. You are helping spread the soul recovery message and supporting this community. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet for dates, times, everything that's happening, register for the support group and how to stay connected. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I was sitting with Rich this morning having coffee and I can't remember, actually, if I shared recently about another conversation I'm pretty sure that I did where we were having a conversation around his upbringing and his family and his current relationship with his family, which is estranged from his dad and stepmom and sister, half sister, half-sister. He hasn't had almost any contact with them for a long time and he has minimal contact with his dad Not that they're officially estranged, it's just distant. And he's been having a lot of feelings around this because ever since I asked him to do a little more inner work, he's been curious and open. It's opened some doors for him and we had a conversation a little while ago where he was opening up and I jumped into Rev Rachel. I jumped into wanting to share all this juicy stuff that has changed my life so deeply. Right, like I don't want to fix him, I want to share with him what I'm learning, what I'm excited about and I can see so easily some of the things that he's talking about and how, if he used some of the soul recovery tools that it would just give him such insight and I want to share that with him. Right, and then he stopped me and he said stop coaching me, I just need you to listen. And he said stop coaching me, I just need you to listen.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And I got really hurt. I really had this part of me that felt like I was. I was really being authentic and I was being vulnerable and I was sharing my light and I was excited about maybe working with him to give him some relief from some of the pain that he feels from this, the suffering that he has around, wishing that it was different and he was asking for a different way. Well, we ended up working it out and he ended up coming and saying I could have said that differently and I'd had some time to contemplate it for myself and was able to release, using the tools of soul recovery, that part of me that was attached to wanting approval for him or wanting to do it a certain way, or wanting control right. And we were able to really mend that and I, more more than ever, can see the part of me that wants to give him and my kids and my family members, and even you all, this gift of freedom that I feel in my heart.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

Not all the time, I'm still very much a human being, but, gosh, considering that I was, you know, like at a level eight, considering that I was, you know, like at a level eight nine anxiety, depression, stress all the time, again, it's no wonder that I drank, because I was just heightened with this weight of the world on my shoulders I was putting all my energy on the well-being of everyone around me and my fear of the discomfort that I wasn't attending to myself at all, I was not really doing the work about me being in my spiritual journey, about recognizing I am responsible my internal self, I am responsible for how I choose to see it that my perception that I'm seeing the world through is askew because it's so entangled and entwined with everybody else. And in that moment I had this real clarity right. So here we are this morning, rich and I are having our morning coffee, like we often do, and having these heartfelt conversations, and he started to again unpack some of this difficult stuff for him and I was really trying to show up in a different way and he challenges me and this is that part of relationship that is really interesting. Right, like, on some level, I wish that there wasn't so much challenge, and yet I can see so clearly that there's real benefit in the challenge because he's challenging me in new, healthier ways. He actually doesn't have the defensive, aggressive posturing that he used to have, but he still has sort of this intensity. That's difficult for me because I don't like intensity, I don't want conflict, I don't want it to be scratchy, but I'm teaching that it's okay for it to be scratchy. So he's giving me the opportunity to be in a scratchy just a little bit scratchy situation, where he's kind of pushing me to be present for him in a way that allows me to actually share the part of me that is me to not hide. He's encouraging me to not hide, but he's also asking me to show up in a way that isn't asking me to show up in a way that isn't trying to fix or change him, and what it reminded me so much of is this term that's been on my mind now for weeks I am responsible for my own well-being and my own discomfort.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

In those moments I'm actually uncomfortable. I'm unsure of how to act or how to feel or how to be, because it's processing through all this old systems, all these old beliefs, all these patterns that came from a little girl who was so afraid of getting in trouble, who wanted to be validated, who wanted to please, who wanted to take care of everybody, who wanted to keep it all good and simple and easy, who didn't like the discomfort of someone being upset. I would do anything to keep people from being upset, but in that doing that, what I'm actually doing is I'm denying myself the opportunity to learn from this moment of discomfort that's trying to tell me something. And so Rich and I were drinking coffee and when I would feel really uncomfortable, I would take a deep breath and I would take a long drink of my coffee and I turned my cup all the way up so that I couldn't see him and I would look into my coffee and I would remind myself that I'm safe, that all is well, that there's love here, that this is about me learning, and I moved that into curiosity. We talk a lot about curiosity right now. This isn't even a heavy conversation. This is this just interesting dialogue around.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

How do I show up in sharing some of the beliefs and the things that have been transformational to me, without trying to fix him? He is responsible for his own well-being and this concept that we have in codependency and people pleasing, where we can't quite let go of this belief that they are responsible for their own well-being. We're working so hard on ourselves and yet we can't let go of this, this tie that says yes, and I want to also change and fix and help them. So now that brings us back to the beginning of the conversation, which is this kind of wild out there concepts around our soul's journeys and that, if we actually move into a space of connecting and trusting and being in alignment with something even greater still, a higher power and energy, a source then, the creative energy of the universe. That is whatever you call that spirit, god, jesus, love I like divine spirit myself. Whatever that is. We're holding space for this, knowing that there is so much more than we can possibly understand for us and for everyone around us us and for everyone around us and this dense nature of our human experience is very real.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So, you know, sometimes in spiritual circles, you know, there's the concept of the illusion. I remember I went to a unity church early on in my unity days and he was really into the Course in Miracles, which now is such a profound piece of my learning, but he would just beat down on it's all an illusion. And when I thought of that I thought like but this is real, you know this, my body and my skin and these feelings that I'm having, and at that time I had Alex as a little baby. So you know, I've got this little baby in my arms, of of which I want to see his life turn out a certain way, and I have expectations of what our family looks like and I have fears around my husband's addiction and you know all of that is real. So for someone to take away what really is in front of me by saying it's just, you know, it's just crap, it's just an illusion, it discounted the feeling of what it feels like to be in my body. And you know the truth is I was perceiving those talks through the mind that I had at that time. So the truth is I really actually know what he was saying. Maybe he was saying the same stuff that I am sharing with you now, but I have so much more understanding that the illusion is not the experience. The illusion is our reality that we are choosing to see it through and that we have control over. We are responsible for our own well-being well-being.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

The other thing that happened to me recently is Rich and I started watching a series on TV that was really intense. It was about war and it had so much violence and aggression and really intense aggression towards women and torture, and I watched one episode and my entire body felt uncomfortable. What I was feeling is I was feeling this, knowing that this is just a story, but as a story that is representing what is actually happening in the world, that this is true, that our fights that we have in the Middle East with other countries and all the stuff that's happening and all the complexities of life, these are really happening in people's experiences. This is not an illusion, but for me to watch it as entertainment is actually for me to be bringing in what I have no control over. I'm powerless over the complexities of the world and these cultures and these wars that are taking place, and I have a lot of people who come to me and they say, yeah, but what about Gaza? What about Israel? What about Ukraine? What about the poverty that's happening in the world? What about the wars that are happening in Africa? We're just supposed to pretend like none of that happens. We're in the soul recovery space and we're in our own well-being, but what about what's really happening? Well, it is really happening.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

For those people, clarity around is when we bring in this belief that our worry or our stress or our fear will do something about that, to make it different. It's no different than the worry or the stress or the fear that we have for our own children or our spouses or our parents or our friends. We are equally unable to make anything be different for them and if we move into this larger space again, this can be a hard concept to really wrap your head around, because it's been, it's been a process for me to wrap my head around it. Can I trust that each person is responsible for their own experience? Now things bad happen to us.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So if you are in the midst of a situation where it feels like there's no control over what is physically happening to you, there is too much evidence of people who've transcended that. You know Viktor Frankl and Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Now these are highly evolved consciousness people. They are way showers for us to really think about. You know, viktor Frankl was in the encampments in World War II. He was with people who were being tortured and killed and he said you may be able to take my life, but you may not take my mind, you may not take my well-being. That is powerful and this is the piece that I'm trying to open our minds to that we may not be in such a horrible thing as an encampment or in a war, but in our own lives we do have our own battles happening.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

That we do feel a victim, that we do feel like somebody else is making us feel a certain way and at the same time, we feel responsible for someone else's well-being. And in all of that we're losing our power. We're giving our power away. The power is the connection to something greater still that is riding within you. That is the wholeness of who you are, and your reality on the outside is a reflection of your reality and well-being on the inside. Being uncomfortable is not a bad thing. Suffering because we demand and want and hate and refuse for it to be the way that it is is a choice that we make. We are responsible for our own well-being and our own discomfort. And when we start to recognize that the world can be changed by each one of us choosing light and love, that our family can be changed by each of us choosing compassion and grace. And it doesn't mean that you allow people to roll all over you and treat you like crap. No, it means that you have clarity of boundaries. It means that you love yourself. It means that you recognize that you attend to your needs.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So we're watching this show and after the first episode I said I can't watch this. This isn't going to work for me. I'm already aware of this part of me that says I'm not going to ignore that these things are happening in the world. But if I let my mind be spinning around, all of this violence and all of this upset, I'm actually affecting how my body works, affecting how my body works. I want to see the world peaceful, I want to see people care for each other, but I also recognize that this belief that that is the ideal dream is not real, because there is light and dark, there is a polarization, there is always the contracts between love and fear. It is how creation works. There has to be the polarity. But my belief and my knowing is that in this time, here now, there is a much higher level of higher consciousness than ever in humankind. It is working, it is changing, it is shifting. It is working, it is changing, it is shifting.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

The other thing that Rich said to me this morning is he said I feel sad that I don't have relationships with my family or even really a relationship with my brother, and his brother lives here in town and there's not like, there's animosity, there's just no relationship. You know, he shows up to something. We give each other hugs and then we say we should get together sometime and we don't. And so Rich is lonely in the sense that he has us, but he really doesn't have the support of the rest of his family in the way that his heart desires. And he said well, you're lucky, you've got a relationship with your mom, and you've got a relationship with your dad, and you have us. You're lucky. And my response was I've worked really hard to open my heart, to be in those relationships from my well-being, claimed responsibility of my well-being, because you've heard me tell stories. It's not like all those relationships aren't without stuff. I have mom stuff, I have dad stuff, I have stuff with Rich, I have stuff with my kids. But these relationships are healthy relationships because I'm healthy inside of me and being healthy inside of me means that I have more ability to accept what is instead of trying to change it.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I am attending to my discomfort. I am attending, I am responsible for and attending to the parts of me that get bristly and want to be reactive and want to go back into old patterns and hurt. And as I take that sip of coffee, as I really come back to myself and I breathe into my being and I bring myself present, into this moment, I ask spirit to help me. I ask my guides to be there to give me the words, to be patient, to not fall into a place where I'm being defensive or I'm deciding someone's right or wrong and in that moment things shift so that you can just be with that person for who they are, and then I'm releasing them to be in their own, their own discomfort, to be responsible for their well-being.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

So in the conversation with Rich this morning, what I recognized is I wanted to jump on top of his health, his well-being. I wanted to give him the answers. And he's actually pushing me to say hold space for me, use the gifts that you have for me to be able to see it for myself. And that's the beauty of what I hope that I'm giving to soul recovery for you all is you have all of this within you too. When we get little nuggets of information, we get little aha moments. No one is giving you something you don't already have. And yet I want to kind of like the hose. What is the fire hose? I want to fire hose, give it to Rich, but he's asking me to give him space to discover it on his own and his own way, in his own terms.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

And as I backed off, and as I backed off and I didn't get defensive and I kept my heart open and I stayed curious and I asked more questions instead of giving him more answers. He came around with some, he hugged me and he said thank you, you know, for letting me work this out, the way that I need to heal from it, and his healing, his responsibility for his healing, looks very different than mine and yours looks very different than mine and our family members looks very different from ours, and isn't that beautiful? So then we come back to the final piece of our souls. What I came to the other day. This was so fascinating.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I've been doing this for almost seven years now and I saw recover your soul. And the reminder was that spirit is saying Rachel, recover your soul, rachel, recover your soul and share that with others, when we can step into our own lives and we can remember that our responsibility is to recover our own souls, recover your soul, the butterfly effect that it has. And then Rich said this again this morning after we had had our conversation, then did showers, and then he came upstairs and he said I want you to know that you are coaching and helping me in ways that work best when you are just being your healthier you. That actually is one of the best reflections and those are the best ways for me to be able to want that for myself too. And that's really powerful for me because my people pleaser codependent peacemaker, because my people pleaser codependent peacemaker helper self wants to be in charge of his well being and his discomfort. But I'm not. I'm responsible for mine, as always.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

If you want help with this, if you want to work the nine steps of soul recovery, the first two steps are up on the website and I'm working on recording and editing the next couple steps. I'm sorry they're sort of slow in coming and I'm happy to work with you in coaching sessions. Let's work the steps of the soul recovery process together. It's so powerful to recognize that you have this gift within you that is ready to be accepted. Have this gift within you that is ready to be accepted Spirit already has brought you the awareness and having someone reflect that for you. The cool thing about coaching with people is I don't see you as broken. I don't see anybody as broken or needing fixing. It's having a reflection of somebody who sees you in the fullness and the wholeness of who you are, so that you can see that in yourself you have all you need, but to have someone guide you and lead you through this nine step process or the spiritual journey allows you to have the support that generally most of us didn't have when we were growing up, or to have someone see it from the perception of wholeness, to give you permission and a way to see it in wholeness for yourself. Until next time, namaste, thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

I just wanted to give you a quick reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast and this is available both to Apple podcast subscribers for $3.99 a month, or it's available for both free and paid Patreon members. So as a Patreon member, you can choose. Do you want to support the podcast with $5, $10, or $25 a month? Totally volunteer, but to let you know that if you want to listen to those bonus episodes incredible interviews, wonderful book studies you don't have to be a paid member. You can access them in the first week or two that they're available free on Patreon.

Rev Rachel Harrison:

This community is so important to me and I want you to know I treat it with love and consideration. If you want coaching, I'm here for you. You want to come to a retreat, I'm here for you. You want to come to the free soul recovery support group. The community is here for you. Watch us on Facebook, instagram, follow us on all the social media for daily inspiration, be part of the Facebook group. And one of the most important things is that you share this podcast with people that you think that it will resonate with, that you think that they're interested. Give it five stars, give it a review. We are growing this community together because together we can do the work that will recover your soul.

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