Reclaiming Your Power: Detachment Without Abandonment using Soul Recovery

In this episode of Recover Your Soul, we dive into the transformative power of compassionate detachment within the complexities of family dynamics. The holidays often bring heightened emotions, expectations, and the resurfacing of old wounds. Through the lens of Soul Recovery, we explore how to let go of control, not from weakness, but from a place of strength, choosing love and acceptance over fear and fixing. Together, we’ll uncover how to maintain connection without enabling, and how to show up in our relationships as our most centered, whole selves.

Whether you’re navigating strained relationships, dealing with addiction or dysfunction in your family, or simply seeking more peace in this season, this episode offers practical insights and spiritual tools to reclaim your power and embrace a compassionate, heart-centered way of being. Let’s heal ourselves, model healthy behaviors, and radiate light to those we love.

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This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Detachment and Soul Recovery Journey
• 15:00 Detachment and Compassionate Boundaries
• 29:00 Join the Recovery Your Soul Community

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:43

In soul recovery we're learning to let go of control, and not from a powerless place, but actually from strength, to recognize that we've been giving our power away by needing everybody else to be okay, for us to be okay and detachment continues to be a very important part of this but it's got lots of layers. Do you continue to have a relationship with somebody? Do you not have a relationship? What happens if they have kids? How do you stay connected without enabling? That's the topic of our conversation today. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast and community. It's Rev Rachel and I am so grateful that we're all here together today.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:06

If you're listening to this on the date of its airing, it is Christmas week 2024,. The Monday of Christmas week and this time in the holidays is complex. There's a lot of emotions wrapped around it. There's a lot of desires of how we wish it could be. There's a lot of family expectations. There's a lot of pain that might be from past situations. There might be fears of what it's going to be like. There might be grief around what it isn't. So one of the things that I wanted to really chat more about, which is such a fundamental piece of soul recovery, is around detachment, control and what we do have control of, which is us, which is how we're showing up, which is how we feel it being in our soul recovered space.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:55

This holiday, rich and I are going to be jumping in our Mazda, pulling a vintage kind of super funky camper that Rich has been working on and that we had in the past, that had a complete accident and then he's rebuilding it in a new way, and we're going to be driving out to Santa Cruz where we're going to be meeting up with Alex and Bodie. Alex and his partner, who is coming along in her pregnancy they're due at the end of February with a little boy and they're coming from Sacramento and then we're going to all meet in Santa Cruz where Bodie lives, get an Airbnb, my mom's flying in and we're going to just have these five days together. And you know, one of the things that I was thinking about yesterday is this will be the first time that we have all been together as adults, sober by choice. We've been together sober before, but it's when the boys were on DUIs or had other things going on, and so it wasn't that they were sober by choice. And this realization that I had that this would be the first time that, by choice, as adults, we were going to be in the same place After. If you've listened to the podcast over the last couple of years, you've heard me talk about these stories of us all being together and those boys being just totally hammered the entire time. And even the last episode that I had with Alex, just after 420, he was stoned at the time that we did the interview. So this idea that I realized hadn't even come to me until yesterday, this awareness of how beautiful this is and at the same time, I have to not hold on to that expectation that want to control that piece of me that wants it to be a certain way right. So that was just kind of an aside, something that's exciting and at the same time I have to hold lightly, because I know for sure that Bodhi is really solid in his sobriety right now and Alex is a little more in the 95 percentile. So he's sober because he found out that he was going to be a dad and that really sort of switched something in him. And he's going to talk while I'm in California. We're going to do an episode together so he can share more about his journey.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:19

But I also just want to really step into that place of of wholeness and really taking our power back. You know, really like allowing ourselves to understand how we can show up in our families and how, even when it's complex or chaotic, how much energy we actually can send out that is positive how much control we actually have of ourself. Right, we're powerless over everything else, but we have control of ourself. And I'm also swirling around my head as I'm trying to allow spirit to come in and take over and share. What it wants to share with you is a comment that I got recently on the text me. You can go into the show notes and it says send a one way text. I don't know who it comes from. I have no information unless you sign your name but it had a note about not knowing how to detach, because detaching might mean that they might not see their grandchild.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:25

And I wanted to sort of bring this in, because I've had a lot of people that I've both worked with and that have either emailed or commented through Spotify comments there's a lot of different ways to get information to me, so I know what's going on with you around these complexities of detaching, from where there's a lot of dysfunction or addiction, and then there's grandkids, right. So, being that I'm going to be a grandma here in a minute, I get it and I want to sort of wrap all that up together. So let's just see what spirit has in charge for us. So I'll just sort of tap in to my heart here. What I really feel like is really trying to come out.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:14

And it's funny because even as I say these things, even as these concepts flow through me, I'm reminded, as I've been saying recently, that this isn't about me giving you something that you don't already have. This is about me reminding you of what you already know, and detachment is this key word which has been so powerful in the soul recovery process and, as I've been doing, the five levels of attachment in the bonus episodes on Patreon and as Apple podcast subscribers it's been giving me more and more clarity around the fact that detachment is not necessarily a physical thing. Right, there is a lot going on right now around not having communication and blocking people and having no contact. There's a lot going on right now around not having communication and blocking people and having no contact. There's a whole movement right now because it's not just like the olden days where you either showed up for Christmas or you didn't, or you wrote letters or you didn't, or you called or you didn't, or you called or you didn't.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:31

Now there's so much around social media and how we are in each other's business all the time, even by being a voyeur into their business. You know, one of the things that I laugh about is I try to believe that I'm giving my kids a lot of space to be adults, to have their own lives and make their own choices and spend as much time as I can really tuning into myself and my own well-being, being responsible for how I feel what is my soul recovery. But the truth is, with Bodhi, particularly because he is already an influencer and a professional athlete. He's on social media all the time, so I have access to him, and that's true for so many people in so many ways, even if they're somebody who's well known versus somebody who's not. There's access to everybody in all these ways. So it's gotten very complicated.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:25

Around what does this distancing mean? What I want to really impart in this concept around how we take our power back, how we stand in our center, in our soul recovered center. The foundation of soul recovery is this awareness that we are powerless over everything outside of ourself, but not from a place of like weak powerlessness. It's from a place that says I trust and believe and know that things are working out in a flow, that we are here as souls. You know my teachings as a spiritual teacher is that our souls came into this lifetime for its experience to connect and to interact with other souls too, and that if we think that we know everything within our mind of how everything is supposed to be working, we're actually dismissing an entire universe of how things go. There's so much more, and if you start looking at quantum physics and consciousness and all of the studies that are happening and all the awarenesses that are starting to be more and more streamlined all the time. It's because it's it's really evolving to have this clarity that we are these beings who, of course, our minds, have interpreted, through our little brain, computers, how the world works and we have a desire to control and to fix and to manage, because in the olden days we had to make sure we had food and we had shelter and we were, you know, safe from the bears, and none of that is happening anymore.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:22

I keep thinking about how really short time is and that these lifetimes that we're in, you know, I used to think a 54 year old person was ancient. Well, I'm 54 now and I barely feel like I just got started. You know the lifetime's over right when you start to figure it out. But if we look on this larger soul spectrum kind of going out there today, this larger soul spectrum, you start to recognize that there's more than we can possibly understand. To recognize that there's more than we can possibly understand and in that, when you let go of control, when you recognize that you're powerless over the things that are happening around you, you can begin to trust in something even greater still.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:05

Are you ready to step into your soul recovery. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to learn more about the nine step soul recovery process. I hope that you'll join us the first Monday of every month for the free soul recovery support group on Zoom, where we learn more about soul recovery and connect with each other. If you'd like to work directly with me to move through the nine-step soul recovery process, I'm here for you, but you can also choose to work the steps on your own, with individual modules intended to support you to work at your own pace and on your own time. And if you want even more soul recovery, join us for the Recover your Soul bonus podcast for Patreon members and Apple Podcast subscribers, where I interview amazing people sharing soul recovery tips for us and also do spiritual book studies. You can also find daily inspiration on Facebook and Instagram and join our private Facebook community. Visit the website for more information, links and registration for everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:02

Back to the episode Now. What does that mean? If you have a lot of stuff going on in your family or even a lot of stuff in the world and I've talked about this in other podcast episodes when we talk about politics or we talk about disasters, or you know all this stuff that's happening. What I want us to look at today is I want us to look at our families, because this is where our hearts are, this is where our experience is, and you may have a child who is an adult, who is making choices that is very difficult to see. And then you have their children, whether they're little or whether they're older, and we want to come in and we want to save and we want to fix, and we want to make it so that it's not hard for everybody. And we want to come in and we want to save and we want to fix, and we want to make it so that it's not hard for everybody. And the guidance continues to come so crystal clear that as you hold your center, as you stand in your knowing that you too are resourced and held and have everything that you need. And I used to think peacemaker meant that I needed to make the peace in the family, but what I see now is that I am making the peace within myself, I am making my own peace and that when I stand in that knowing that I'm making my own peace and I stay in my heart, and I stay in my heart and I stay open and I have compassion for where everyone's at and I stop trying to be on top of the rock, as I call it, and in everybody else's sticky business, making sure that everybody's okay, I'm actually radiating out an energy and a love that allows people to relax and in that there's more of an opportunity for them to step in in a healthier way.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:01

So when you have grandkids, it may be that you can't do the detachment on the level that's a no contact detachment. Detachment doesn't mean no contact. Detachment is actually an internal way of being with yourself. It's an internal releasing and letting go of this belief that it is our responsibility to take care of, to fix, to change. That's the suffering. The suffering is the piece that says I don't like it, like this. The acceptance says I see that it is, I see that it is and I allow myself to detach from thinking that I have to fix, change, save it. When you have grandkids or when you have smaller kids and maybe you have a husband who or a wife who's actively in addiction. It isn't about allowing anybody to harm anybody. We will know how to step into situations to do what is the healthiest thing in the situation. But it's actually amazing how, when you can step into that space.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:23

From this higher vision, from this point of seeing the complexity without all of that sticky emotion and fear attached to it, you actually give those other people, the younger people, space to be in their feelings, which are complex, to give them the ability to say out loud I don't like this, I don't like that, this is hard for me, out loud, I don't like this, I don't like that, this is hard for me. And it's not about fixing it for them, it's about giving them space to be able to say out loud I don't like it when and you say, yeah, I can understand that. I see that you're witnessing somebody else's feelings and it's incredible how even young kids have the capacity to be able to figure out for themselves what they would like and what they would need. Now is there truth that young people can't hold the emotions just like we couldn't understand or hold the emotions for ourselves Absolutely? And will they create systems within themselves and beliefs just like we did? That they'll have to unpack later. You bet they will. Nobody gets to get past that. That's part of being a human being, that's part of how it all works.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:44

But when we actually are trying to manage and fix and save them. We're giving them the modeling that says that they can't do it for themselves, that they can't hold it for themselves. So we always want to keep them safe physically safe, emotionally safe to our best ability, but we also need to allow things to unfold in the natural course of their events. This goes back to the seven detachments from Al-Anon to not create a crisis, to not prevent a crisis, to not suffer for somebody else's life, for their recovery or for their choices that they're making. So, coming back to what is detachment, there may be times where it is healthier to have a no contact with somebody, and then there'll be times where you're going to make a choice to stay in contact so that you can have these other things, maybe so you can have access to your grandkids. There's so many other reasons why maybe you have a spouse or an ex-spouse who is recovering or recovered or not recovered, and you have kids in common. So you know you have to have some level of interaction with those people and we are powerless over how they are showing up.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:10

And the more that we get off of the belief that we are in charge of how they're showing up, the more that we have strength to show up, to show up how we're going to show up when we stay in our heart, when you stay in compassion remember, empathy means sometimes that we take on other people's feelings and then we want to fix it for them. When we stay in compassion which means I see how it feels for you I recognize this is difficult. I see the choices that you're making. It's sad and hard to see you do this, but I'm not going to try to fix it or change it for you. I see the wholeness in you that compassion gives it to them to hold.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:56

And then when you're in a situation like I've kind of gone off on a whole other direction but sort of coming back to even Christmas with my kids, right now I can watch the back of my mind that wants to plan, wants to organize, because that's the kind of person I am and I'm actually really good at that kind of stuff. So it isn't about dismissing the aspects of myself that are good, but I want to be in the level of detachment that is really connecting, really really embracing the family as all being together. I'm visualizing joy, I'm visualizing laughter, I'm visualizing us enjoying each other. I'm visualizing us being relaxed and at ease, because the more that I control what my thoughts and feelings are, the more that that is what I'm radiating out. If I'm in a space where I'm like I'm afraid that it's going to be like this? And what if Alex decides he's not going to be sober? And what if this is like this? And what if my mom is like this? And how do I manage everybody's feelings? I'm actually increasing that energy.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:06

Our lives are what we think and feel and believe that they are. What we experience on the outside is reflection of how we feel on the inside, and this chaos that is happening around us, in our families in particular, for many of us is painful and it's okay to feel sadness, just like we're going to be modeling. For the younger kids to be able to say this is hard. It is hard if you have a dad or a mom who's making choices like that, but, gosh, if you can hold space for them to also be able to have compassion, you know you don't judge. You teach them to really tune into their own feelings and you are the light in their life. You are the unconditional love. You are peace from a healthy place, not from people pleasing or fixing or codependency, but from modeling healthy behaviors, behaviors when we hold our strength within ourselves, we give permission for others to do the same. When we heal, we model for others to do the same.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:19

So whether you choose a detachment which means I physically am setting a boundary that says this doesn't work for me, I am here, I love you, when you make other choices, I will be so joyously happy and hope that we can reestablish our relationship or you have clarity that this really you need to let them have their own experience. Again, I have. I work with people whose kids are homeless and are really making choices that are really hard and they've done every single thing that they can to help them. They have set up rehabs, they have, you know, gone through hoops to try to help and at this point they're making the choices that they're making. And a lot of times that really needs to be a detachment that says I can't be running through this in my mind every single night, or else I won't sleep, I can't eat, I'm not well.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:19

Those detachments of loving somebody enough, loving someone enough to let them have their experience and then moving it towards loving someone enough that, if they have family, children, that you can still love them in that detached way, with boundaries, with clarity, and to not engage the children, just perpetuating the fear and the dysfunction and the labeling just perpetuating the fear and the dysfunction and the labeling and, at the same time, not allowing the enabling that can happen. To try to keep it all together and keep everybody together. What I want you to know is that it is complex and that it is heartbreaking, but you have the strength within you to be able to navigate these difficult, difficult waters because you are so strong, you have what you need. The more that we let go of control, the more we recognize we are truly powerless over everything outside of ourselves. We're powerless over other people's dysfunction and addictions and we step into our wholeness and we see them as whole, regardless of how they're acting. And we stop judging and we stop fixing and we hold our heart open.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:44

Things tend to shift and people are given an opportunity to stand in their own consequences and, more than that, those younger kids in our lives, whether we actually get to see them physically or whether there is complex relationships where you don't get to be with them the way that you'd like to. You have connection on a level that's something we can't understand and the more that your heart is in love instead of fear. Those energies are truly raiding out to everybody, in your family and in the world around us. If we raise our consciousness, if we stay awake, if we can stay awake in our soul recovery journey, there is so much that comes from that that will, in the end, offer healing and light to those around us. This is where you have the power. This is where the real richness of your joy resides that, regardless of what's happening, you can feel your feelings. They're telling you something, but you can stand in your knowing that you are held by something even greater still that is indeed supporting you and loving you. And if the others choose to open their eyes, they too can see that. So the detachment gives us the strength to be compassionate and not enabling to be compassionate and not controlling. To stay in our heart and not close, to stay conscious and awake instead of withdraw and shut down, and all of that models for others to do the same.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:36

So I wish you a beautiful holiday season, regardless of what you celebrate, and if you're in a situation where you haven't put up decorations and your heart is heavy, feel the love of this community surrounding you and holding you, and knowing that this, too, shall pass, and if you're in a situation where you get to just be present with what is, regardless of what our expectations want it to be, love it for what it is. Each moment is indeed so precious. You never know what the next day will bring, and the more present you can be with what is, with grace and love and compassionate, open heart, the more you have the ability to truly see the beauty that is available past our disappointments or our grief. There's always a little jewel available in each moment, and I intend to really just soak up this trip. Every part of me is wanting to like fall into those old patterns, because there's so many moving parts around work and internet and where are we going to stay? And then I just go, rachel, enjoy it. It's an adventure. Allow yourself to practice these principles and to trust and know and to be okay with whatever is, to allow and accept whatever is. So I wish that for you too.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:14

And, as always, working the nine step soul recovery process is something you can do on your own by just listening to the podcast. Go to the website, read what the nine steps are, allow yourself to just digest these episodes and allow it to move through you. This is all the wisdom that is within you. Anyway, I'm not saying anything that isn't already out there and in the cosmos of the wisdom teachings. You can do the nine steps yourself. I've got the first two up as courses on the website, or you can work with me to actually have me guide you and support you on the nine steps. I'm here for you. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:00

Thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process. Just a reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast. This podcast is for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, and not only do you get an incredible interview or book study that comes with being part of that community, but your subscribing helps support this podcast and the Recover your Soul community. If you want to listen to those bonus episodes but can't subscribe right now, do know that you can be a free Patreon member and have access for limited time to new episodes. Visit the website RecoverYourSoulnet or check out the show links below for coupons and information for upcoming events. I thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I thank you for giving it five stars and the reviews that are left bring tears to my eyes. I am honored to be part of your life. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.