Soul Recovery: Saving Yourself First- Healing from Addiction, Codependency, and People-Pleasing

If you’ve found this podcast, chances are you’re on a journey—one that may include addiction, codependency, people-pleasing, or the deep exhaustion of trying to fix others. I know that journey well because I’ve walked it myself. Seven years ago, I made the decision to save myself, to step into my healing, and to embrace the transformative power of Soul Recovery. And that choice changed everything.

In this episode, I reflect on my seven-year sobriety milestone and the profound shifts that have unfolded in my life. But this journey isn’t just about putting down a drink or breaking free from toxic patterns—it’s about reclaiming your power, finding peace within yourself, and allowing your own healing to be the light that inspires others- it is about choosing your own Soul Recovery. 

Join Rev. Rachel for an upcoming Soul Recovery workshop or retreat—an opportunity to deepen your healing, release old patterns, and reconnect with your true self. Learn more and register at https://www.recoveryoursoul.net/inperson

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Recover Your Soul From Addiction
• 16:20 The Hero's Journey
• 25:25 Healing Your Self is how you Help Others

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:00

If you have found this podcast, it's likely that you are struggling with codependency or people pleasing or you have someone in your life who is an addict. I was all of those things. I was an addict, I was a codependent, I had an alcoholic husband, I had complex kids with their own addiction and ADHD. I had a period of my life where I felt completely overwhelmed, completely lost, completely, just in despair over what was happening in my life. Where I felt completely overwhelmed, completely lost, completely, just in despair over what was happening in my life. And it has been seven years since I had that moment of grace where I decided to save myself. This episode talks about my recovery from alcoholism, from codependence, from people pleasing. That created what I now call soul recovery. We can indeed heal, we can indeed shine our light, and in that we learn how to be this incredible beacon of light for others, but not to fix or change them, but for us to live our fullest self, to live a life that we choose. And when I look back seven years ago on what my life was like compared to what it is today, it's a totally different life, but it didn't just happen. I created it with higher power, I worked hard on it. I used the nine-step soul recovery process to transform who I was completely and when I reflect back, I have such gratitude for the whole journey, even the hard times. Enjoy the episode.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:35

Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome back to the Recovery your Soul podcast. I'm Rev Rachel. This is not just a podcast, this is a community, and it's a community that's grown out of my recovery from alcoholism.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:26

And today, february 10, the day that this airs, marks my seven years sober. And it's a really profound time for me every time this time of year comes around for reflection, because there has been so much that has changed in my life, so much transformation that's changed, and letting go of alcohol was just a tiny little part of it just a little tiny part of it. What I recognize is that alcohol was a way that I was shutting down, checking out from what was a life that was really complicated and really painful for me, and it's interesting that I was a little resistant to this episode. It's interesting because usually I want to really share with you about what's going on with me, and this should be a big day of celebration and on some level it totally is this huge level of celebration that I was able to put down drinking.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:22

So many of you, so many of you, came here because of Al-Anon. You came here because of codependence. You searched something that's in one of the titles of my podcast or something that I talk about, and you have someone in your life who's struggling with alcohol or with addiction of some sort, some sort of dysfunction, some sort of behavior that is wrecking them, and I was that person. So this idea that I made it out See, I'm crying already this idea that I made it out and made it to the other side is pretty profound. To the other side is pretty profound. My oldest son is 28 years old and it was in a therapy appointment, when I was pregnant with him, that this therapist looked at my husband and myself and said you know, the real issue that you guys have is that you're alcoholics, and both of us were just not wanting to look at that at all. You know, that was not what we wanted. Alcohol was still such a solution for us. It was such a way that we had fun or that we were bound together. For me, it was such a solution on how I handled what felt very uncomfortable in my life, which was other people not being okay.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:45

From a very young age I had that awareness that when someone else wasn't okay, I didn't know what to do with that, and so I didn't discover drinking until I was 21. I drank a little bit in high school at my senior year and would just get so violently sick every single time. And then I drank a little bit in college, with the same results. I did discover pot and was better at smoking pot. But when I turned 21, I worked at a restaurant and one of the things that you got at the end of the shift was a shift drink, and somewhere along the lines I discovered a Long Island iced tea. That put me into a place where everything that hurt went away. If I look back now I can see that my drinking was not normal from the beginning. I still used to get sick a lot, which is so crazy that you think somebody who used to throw up a mouth that I did would want to do something else. But I just kept thinking if I can do this better, if I can figure out how to do this better, because it took away the part that was really hard to be in the world, the part that it is the solution for the part where I could feel okay in my skin, I could be around other people.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:59

And when I really look now at how far I've come in my life not just the last seven years, but we're all on this journey you know we don't give ourselves enough credit for the incredible, incredible hero's journey that we're all on. And we all have issues. We all have things that we do, things that we are addicted to, behaviors that we fall back on as protections or ways to protect ourselves when we're in fear or in pain. We have ways that we try to control the world Instead of seeing ourselves in some sort of grip of not doing things right. What if we changed it? What if you saw that you are indeed actually doing this human experience, that it is complicated, that it is complex, as I often say, and when I look back on my 55 years of life, there's so much to unpack. And that's what soul recovery is all about.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:02

That's what this journey that I've discovered through healing from alcoholism and codependence, has really been a journey on how to heal and how to make peace with being a human being, because it's not easy to be a human being, and I think that part of my resistance in wanting to share today still so weepy, is that even though there's so much change for so much better in my life and I don't have level nine anxiety or depression like I used to, it's still hard. You know, life is still complicated and on some level it continues to deepen my opening, the cracking open of our heart that we are all so afraid to do, because it is painful to feel these feelings so deeply. And at the same time, there is such an enormous opportunity for us to understand ourselves better, our soul's journey better, to look at this earth school that we're on and to be curious about this incredible ride that we've been on this hero's journey. And so, in reflection of seven years, it is interesting to me because, you know, seven years is that marker that they say that, and I think I've said this in a recent podcast. But they say that your cells all regenerate every seven years. You know, not all at once, but slowly over time. And so after a seven year period, there is this truth that every cell in your body has been updated. Every cell in your body has been updated. And if I look at pictures of myself seven years ago, if I think about where I was seven years ago, it's just so, so vastly different from how I used to see the world, how I used to show up in the world. And yet, at the same time, there's this part of me that continues to be curious about why it has to be so complex.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:17

Still, you know, in the third step prayer in AA, which I still use as part of the soul recovery process, it says God, I offer myself to you to build with me and do with me as you will Relieve me of the bondage of self so I can better do your will and take away my difficulties. That victory over them can bear witness to those that I can help with your power and your love and your way of life. May I do your will always. And in soul recovery, what I've come to recognize is the will of source, the will of spirit, of God, of higher power, whatever that is for you, and in soul recovery it's so important that you're picking what that is for you. I'm not here to tell you what that is, but my true belief is that, whatever that higher power is for you, if you can stand up and see that the will of the universe is never for you to be small. The will of the universe is for you to be amazing, to stand in your fullness, to recognize each gift that you have, to stand in the adversity and the hardship and to know that you're here to shine a light on the world, that your soul was brought here on purpose, to be full, to be whole, to recognize your wholeness You've heard me say that over and over to remember there's nothing wrong with you, you are not broken. That, to me, is that line, and it's about co-creating with a power higher than ourselves, not handing over, not not being part of it, but building together to build together, to do it together so that we can better be our wholeness. And then it says remove the bondage of self.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:08

And that bondage of self. Still, it's amazing how, even after you know, 55 years of life and seven years of dedicated, so much of my time is dedicated to spirituality and self-improvement and spiritual growth. And you know, digging in there and taking a look around and being connected, we have this ability to be so hard on ourselves, to compare ourselves to everybody else, to look and say they are doing it better. Somebody else is this there's somebody else is that, instead of recognizing that that's just our bondage of self, it's just our ego who is in a fight or flight, that's in those old, old parts of our brain that is around fear. And so this beautiful opportunity to be removed of the bondage of self so I can better do your will, so I can better stand in my wholeness, so I can better be my full expression of self that you were brought here to be.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:10

And then the last one is take away my difficulties. The victory over them can bear witness to those that I can help with your power and your love and your way of life. And you know, as a recovered, codependent and people pleaser, helping is not helping by doing for them. Helping is showing that you can have victory over the suffering. This still makes me cry because it is hard, it is complicated, that it isn't about making it what I you hear me say easy peasy. It isn't about taking away the truth that that people are making choices that are complicated for them, that are painful for them, and those choices are painful for you, and that we have interactions with people that are still edgy or we still feel like we're walking on eggshells or there's still so much grief and pain from a past relationship that you're working really hard to be able to lift up from that.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:13

And those are the taking away the difficulty. It's the ability to be present with what is, without all the intense suffering and the wanting it to be different, and the attachment and the pushing and the striving that, when we are around people who see that we are lighter, that we are shining our light, that we are in compassion, that we have awareness for somebody else's situation and we're just holding space for them instead of judging them or fixing them, that's a victory. That's a victory Because it's not killing us, it's not eating us up. That's victory that we're standing in our strength and through that people can see, they bear witness to us, they bear witness and they see that we're being fortified. We're being strengthened by something greater than ourselves. Whatever that is for you, are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to learn more about the nine step soul recovery process. I hope that you'll join us the first Monday of every month for the free soul recovery support group on Zoom, where we learn more about soul recovery and connect with each other. If you'd like to work directly with me to move through the nine-step soul recovery process, I'm here for you, but you can also choose to work the steps on your own, with individual modules intended to support you to work at your own pace and on your own time. And if you want even more soul recovery, join us for the Recover your Soul bonus podcast for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, where I interview amazing people sharing soul recovery tips for us and also do spiritual book studies. You can also find dailyiration on Facebook and Instagram and join our private Facebook community. Visit the website for more information, links and registration for everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:07

Back to the episode, and I think that when I look at where I was seven years ago and you know I was working at that office where it was just it had just gone wrong. It was so toxic. And I was having dinner with one of my best friends last night and I was talking about how amazing it is that I just have changed so much. And she was joking with me and she's like remember how totally upset you used to get with that one worker about how she used to file papers? And we just burst out laughing because I was insanely controlling and upset about how this woman did the filing. I thought I knew better, I had a different plan, I had a different way. I was pissed they didn't ask me how to set up this filing system. It kept me up at night. And I look back at that now and I go. What a waste of my time and my energy and what a sad relationship that I ended up having with this person. Because she was just doing her job, she was just filing papers, as she was told to file papers, and I used to come in and just I was so unkind.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:20

Who was that person? Who was that? Because that is not the person who's sitting here talking to you today. That's not the person who cares so deeply about this community. But you know who that person was. That person felt out of control in every single aspect of her life. That person had an alcoholic husband, an intense alcoholic husband. That person had two kids that were really struggling, one in particular who was massively on drugs and was really hitting a wall.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:09

And so now that I can look back, what I can see is that when we're in the depths of our lives, where it is the hardest, where everything just feels like it's completely out of control, that we don't have any other solution other than to clamp down tightly to things that really don't matter, but they feel like the only place that you have any ability to make a difference or to be seen or to be recognized. And when I look now at the view of it through the lens of soul recovery, it goes down deeper, deeper, deeper, into all the things we've talked about in previous episodes, where I can recognize my belief systems and I can see how I felt unvalued by not being part of the conversation that I thought I was supposed to be a part of, the conversation of, and how somebody went and did something without my knowledge. But that was really about me not being included. It was really about me being diminished. The feeling that I had about being dismissed and diminished. That reminded me of my childhood.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:17

You start to realize that there's all these underlying patterns and beliefs and stories. The Course in Miracles says you're never upset for the reason you think we're never upset, for the reason we think it goes so much deeper. It's the iceberg, right? We think that it's the thing that's popping out of the water, but really it's all this stuff in our subconscious down below. Who was that person that literally walked into an office and screamed and yelled and slammed the door over papers, screamed and yelled and, you know, slammed the door over papers over filing a system. Gosh, she was hurting, she was hurting and she was lost. But you know, life isn't this straight line. It isn't about this belief that everything's going to be perfect and that we'll never be without issues.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:07

I think that part of what I thought the first time I ever got sober, 15 years ago, and I heard the third step, prayer God take away my difficulties I really thought and prayed for and wanted it to mean that I would never have any pain anymore. And this view that we have that it's supposed to be easy is very difficult than being without suffering, the suffering being the attachment. And so when I think about all of the experiences that I've had in my life, and you know I've told you this that I really think that it's important that we don't dig around in the graveyard of our old, painful memories unless there is a reason to do so. Otherwise you're ruminating, otherwise you're going in and you're digging things up. Because as soon as you start telling the story just like for me here it's like I start telling the story all the emotions run through, all the intensity runs through and it's really beautiful to be able to cry and to be able to feel your feelings.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:17

But you want to make sure that you're doing them from the lens of healing, of seeing your wholeness, of recognizing that you are a hero and you have made it through difficulty, that you have been through adversity and you have survived. And you have made it through difficulty, that you have been through adversity and you have survived. And you have not only that, but you have had victory over a lot of complex stuff in your life. And when we go back and we look and feel these stories of our life from a place of empowerment rather than from a place of woundedness or victimhood, we get to really stand in the strength of who we are and we get to see and laugh at how could I have possibly been so upset at how they filed the paperwork, you know?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:03

Because I was really hurting at that time, I was really struggling in my own addiction, because I was hurting underneath on an even deeper level that my life was not even remotely what I thought, that I wanted it to be, the fairy tale that I thought that marriage would be had long, long long since eroded, basically from the time that I had my second child, that whatever that fairy tale was that had written off and that therapist who had said to us you two are alcoholics. She was right. And if I had looked at that 28 years ago and dealt with it then. But I wasn't ready to deal with it then. So when I got sober seven years ago, I was at one of those points that we all talk about, this rock bottom place where I was praying for death. I was drinking myself to death because I was so miserable in my own life and I had left my marriage and I had come back, and so I was kind of in this place where it's like well, you made your bed, you may as well lay in it, and the kids were falling apart and things weren't all that great.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:15

Bodhi was the one that was like almost kind of okay, but you know, really he was struggling and having some issues too. Alex was going through some really intense stuff. When I got sober seven years ago he was legally in a lot of trouble. He was oh my God. The stuff that he went through was intense and I just I didn't know if I could handle it. So the whole idea of like giving up alcohol at that time, when it was literally the only thing that could keep me from feeling, I remember pouring myself glass of wine after glass of wine after glass of wine out of the box, right, because I'm too cheap for bottles of wine and I would say to myself I can't drink enough to get out of how I feel, but I'm going to try.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:02

And so when it was that time to like give that up. You know, if you have somebody in your life who's really having a hard time in who they are and how they feel and who they are, the idea of giving up what feels like the only thing that makes it go away feels really impossible. You know it was like well then what? And one of the things that I was thinking about in writing my memoir recently was the terror that I had around, what it would mean if I got better. What would it mean if I actually got better? Because our lives were so bad and so unhealthy and so uncomfortable for me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:45

Now, if you go back to last week's episode and we talk about how everybody gets to see it from their own perception and from their own experience and how they view it, rich to this day will say I don't think it was as bad as you think it was. Well, it was for me, and I think that we have to allow everybody to be in whatever space that they are, because we were not here to have somebody else's experience. We're here to have our own hero's journey. We're here to heal ourselves if we so choose. And for me at that time it was really, really, really bad Because I knew better.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:25

And I think this is the piece that it's like that moment of grace that people have when they so choose to get well. You can't make anyone get well. There's a moment of grace that happens when you know with the depth of your soul that you deserve more, that there's more for you, that whatever those beliefs and patterns and stories that were given to you from the past, from all that woundedness, you feel inside of you that there's something more, that you deserve more, that you are more. That's the moment, that is the step one, soul recovery. That's the moment where you're ready for awakening, where you recognize this is about you. And I had that moment where I recognized it was about me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:07

I was terrified to change, to get better, because it might mean that I had to leave everything that I would have to walk away from the life in which I had created, as uncomfortable as it was. It was mine, these were my kids, this was my husband, this was my house, this was my job. Right? This is my identity. Was my house, this was my job? Right, this is my identity. And at the same time, I had this calling that just said you've got to save yourself, you deserve it. Was I willing to blow up my life to be healed for myself? Was I willing to get out of the drowning pool with everyone drowning around me and save myself? And the answer was yes, I was.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:51

I was finally ready, and you know my story, which is I'm incredibly lucky that, for the most part, we're all so much better, and the truth is, we are so much better, but we're not perfect and it're not perfect and it's not perfect and it's not without hardship and it's not without realness. And I think that's one of the things that you continue to come back to me and say thank you for, for showing how you've done this work and the honesty that it there's. There is no perfect, there's no happily ever after. It is about being able to be with what is and let your heart break wide open at times when you do feel hurt, when your spouse does say things that are unkind. That gives you the strength to let your kids fall down. That gives you the strength to be able to love them enough to have their own experience and to cheer them on with just the most honest, beautiful part of yourself that says I see you as whole, I see you, I see you, those choices that you make, those are your choices, but I know that you are whole, you are not broken and I will not see you as broken. And to be in a relationship with somebody who is not going to give you everything that you need, but to not be willing to stand up for anything less than love and compassion for yourself first and foremost, and then that ends up shining a light on the people around you to show up for you how they can, but to the best that they have. We raise the energy, we raise the bar, and that's what's happened in my family.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:41

Rich is now sober, right. So he would be seven years sober on Monday, when this airs as well on the 10th, if he had made that choice. He did not make that choice. Within the past year or so, he has finally let go of drinking Again. I don't ask him, I don't harp on him about it. Bodhi is 99% sober, which is an absolute miracle If you listen to the episode that he did where he shared what was his wake up call, his moment, and Alex waves in and out of his sobriety seasons and he's still working on it, and he and his girlfriend have a baby coming, which I am so, so, so, so excited. It's going to be born here in the middle of February and that's why I'm going to be out in Sacramento a lot and I'm doing retreats and workshops up there, because I'm going to be visiting them and the little baby and you know, we're going to see how that all goes.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:44

But I am not the person who raged at somebody over filing papers, and that that is gratitude. I'm not somebody who has level nine anxiety every single day, and that's gratitude. I'm somebody who is not depressed, and that's gratitude. I'm someone who's not an alcoholic, and that is gratitude. But it's been through working the nine steps of soul recovery and revisiting them daily and being present with the moment and allowing myself to fully immerse in my life and to begin to ask myself questions that I never would before. And they continue to be along the lines of who am I brought here to be? How can I be my fullest self? How can I heal myself more deeply? May I shine my own light, may I be removed of the bondage of self so that I can be my whole self and through that I show others. But I'm not here to make anybody else change. I'm not here to fix anybody. I'm not here to fix my husband or my kids or even you. I'm here to shine my own light and to be in my own experience, my own soul's earth school curriculum.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:06

And you know what? Some days are beautiful and blissful and I feel connected, and other days are overwhelming and stressful, and that's called being a human being. Some days I have a beautiful marriage, some days it is not all that great. Some days my kids are good, sometimes they're struggling. Sometimes I can block out what's happening in the world and the stress and the fear that is around, and some days and see the light and send light and love. And sometimes I feel that pressure and the fear because I'm a human being.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:42

That is the hero's journey. This is the journey that we're all on, and if we stop giving ourselves so much critical voice about who we should be, voice about who we should be, how we should be for whom, and comparing ourselves to everybody else, and stepping into your own soul recovery, looking at the patterns, being willing to look deeply at those parts of yourself that need healing, that are ready to be updated, to step in with a higher power, to truly, truly connect to something greater still and feel that, knowing that you're never alone, you're never alone To step into your fullness, to see the beauty of who you are, who you were brought here to be, and to be courageous enough to make big shifts and big changes. If that is in the right plan, if you need to blow up your life and walk away from the people that are making different choices that don't align with you anymore. It's okay, gosh, to give ourselves permission to be happy, to be joyous, to be free to choose a life that aligns with us, and I get how complicated that is. I get how complicated that can be, and it's not about being perfect every day. It's actually about letting perfection go. It's about stepping into your authentic self and loving yourself for all of it, the light and the dark, and learning to love the people around you for their light and their dark. It is an absolute miracle that I have not drank for seven years, and it's strange, honestly, to look back at pictures and see pictures with me with a beer or glass of wine in my hand, and I see the checkout in my eyes. I see the deep sadness that was in my eyes and the gratitude is that I have new eyes now, new cells, new neuron paths, but I'm still just me, still just here, figuring it out. We're doing it together. Wherever you are is where you start, and one of the things that I love is that today is a new day.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 34:08

So if there's something in your life that is an addiction, or a behavior or a place where you're checking out or controlling control is an addiction it's time to ask yourself some questions. It's time to ask yourself who you were brought here to be. Who is your full, whole self? Who is your soul calling you to be, and are you ready and willing to step out and to let go of all that doesn't serve you and to become the fullness of who you were brought here to be, to follow the will, your wholeness of source? That's the calling, that's the ask. So I'm going to keep being me, which means that some days it's pretty good and some days it's the calling, that's the ask. So I'm going to keep being me, which means that some days that's pretty good and some days it's pretty hard. I'm going to keep sharing my story with you. I'm going to keep working hard, leading the soul recovery community and gratitude for the recovery soul podcast. I'm going to continue working these steps every day in my life, revisiting them. It's a circle. It's not something you do just once. It's a circle and I'm just going to continue having my focus being on my own healing, first and foremost, to be my most authentic, connected self with myself first and then, through that, reflecting into my family and out into the world, through that reflecting into my family and out into the world Until next time, namaste.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 35:40

Thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process. Just a reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast. This podcast is for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, and not only do you get an incredible interview or book study that comes with being part of that community, but your subscribing helps support this podcast and the Recover your Soul community. If you want to listen to those bonus episodes but can't subscribe right now, do know that you can be a free Patreon member and have access for limited time to new episodes. Visit the website Reoursoulnet or check out the show links below for coupons and information for upcoming events. I thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I thank you for giving it five stars, and the reviews that are left bring tears to my eyes. I am honored to be part of your life. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.