Healing Anxiety: Trusting the Unfolding of Life with Soul Recovery

In this heartfelt episode of the Recover Your Soul podcast, Rev. Rachel shares her journey of learning to let go of control and trust the natural flow of life. By shifting from resistance to acceptance, she discovered a powerful path to healing anxiety and finding peace within.

Rev. Rachel opens up about her struggles with loneliness, control addiction, and the constant need to manage everything around her. Through her mantra, “All is well, I am well,” she learned to relax into life’s messiness and trust that everything is working out, even when it feels uncertain.

Join Rev. Rachel as she explores how Soul Recovery teaches us to co-create with a Higher Power, embrace life’s challenges with grace, and find freedom in simply allowing life to unfold.

Key Takeaways:

• Releasing control to find peace and healing anxiety.
• Shifting from “it’s happening to me” to “it’s happening for me.”
• Trusting the journey and staying grounded through life’s ups and downs.

Join Rev. Rachel for an upcoming Soul Recovery workshop or retreat—an opportunity to deepen your healing, release old patterns, and reconnect with your true self. Learn more and register at https://www.recoveryoursoul.net/inperson

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Embracing the Flow of Life
• 4:34 Trusting the Flow of Life
• 18:31 Trusting the Flow of Manifestation
• 29:31 Join the Recovery Your Soul Community

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:00

For so long in my life I was trying to manage and control everything. I wanted to make it all work. But the more that I was doing that, the more I was actually resisting the natural flow of how things are and sometimes things are messy and complicated and sticky. That things are working out for us, that all is well and I am well that we can just allow the process to unfold and we can see that there is an alignment and things, even when it doesn't seem like it at the time, we can relax and allow it to actually play out in the way that might be how it's supposed to be or might be the best for us in the long run and we don't know the answer to those things. But when we let go of control, we're actually opening up to something even greater still. Enjoy the episode.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:56

Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. It's Rev Rachel.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:38

Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast and this beautiful, incredible community. I love that we're all in this together. I know I say that a lot, but it means a lot to me to really know that when we feel like we're so alone. I was reflecting this morning in my journaling around how much loneliness I had as a child and when I reflect about what's happened in my life as I've gotten older, it's been about gathering community, community of your own. We come in with our family of origin, as it's called, and there's such value in our families, but really it's around the community that you gather, around yourself, and so, as we are all in our individual spaces listening to this podcast, we're really in it together. It's like we're in a big room feeling each other's energy and I hope you feel that, because I feel that Today I wanted to talk about the concept of it's happening for me instead of to me, and even more about being in the flow that we can trust that things are working out for us, flow that we can trust that things are working out for us, that we can trust that it is happening for me, and that that part of us that is really in reaction to things that have been difficult in the past, or our desire to try to control or manage everything around us, is in resistance, is in resistance to this flow of energy. This is everything's working out, it's all okay.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:08

When I first started my spiritual journey seven years ago, one of the courses that I took on insight timer was a mantra course, and it was 30 days, I believe, of these mantras, and so every morning I would wake up and I would turn on these mantras, and it's been so long I can't really remember what they were, or really the foundation of the course, but what I remember is that it was the beginning of my evening, out of my nervous system, that I had been on such high alert for so long and things had been so difficult for such a long time that this practice that I was doing every morning of listening to this woman doing these mantras and you were supposed to sing with her on these mantras, what I started singing instead of what she was saying in the mantra was all is well, all is well. I am well is well, all is well, I am well, all is well, I am well. And it was this switch in how I had been seeing it, because what I have been feeling is nothing's okay, nothing is well, I'm not safe, it's not safe. I don't like how it is around here. I don't feel good. How do I change it? How do I fix it? All of those places where we're powerless. And, of course, my anxiety was on a level nine, because all I was thinking was I'm not safe, all is not well, I'm not well.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:34

And I remember that about halfway through that process of waking up every morning and this is when the kids were still around a lot and I remember that in our bedroom, downstairs, at our houses, in the basement and so the upper level, we have a tiny little house it's 1400 square feet or something, and it's the bedrooms downstairs, with a bathroom and what used to be another bedroom, now it's a music room for Rich, and then on the main level is a living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom, so it's a little box. So I'm down in the bedroom in the basement and I'm listening to these mantras and the kids and Rich are upstairs and there's some kerfuffle happening. Right, there's something that was happening. And as I was down in my bedroom listening to this mantra saying all is well, I am well, all is. And as I was down in my bedroom listening to this mantra saying all is well, I am well, all is well, I am well, I could feel the shift starting to happen inside of me that could hold space for the contrast, for the complexity, for the messiness right that's happening and that whatever was happening upstairs, I could actually let it go. And I remember on that particular day because it was one of those times when in the past, I probably would have jumped up and gotten all involved and tried to triangulate and do the thing that I do to go in and fix it and try to manage the situation. And by the time I finished my mantra thing, whatever the kerfuffle was, was over, I mean completely over. And then I got up with my day and they were fine and I was fine because I had regulated myself.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:16

And the more that I step into my soul recovery journey, the more I'm getting in the flow. I mean I talk about this a lot, about being in the flow of the universe. What is that flow of the universe? Being in the flow of the river and that the river. I love the vision of the river because sometimes the river is smooth and easy and sometimes it's these huge rapids. The walls constrict the water's rushing in. It's intense, and the people that make it in those rough waters are the ones that work with the water. They don't resist, they don't try to push against it, they don't try to do something different. You just stay in your boat and you oar and you move through and you let the water push you through and then there'll be tranquility again. This, this life that we're on, is such an interesting journey and when I started to make the shift for everything is actually working out for me and that I can open up to a higher power. The fourth step in soul recovery is co-creating with a power greater than yourself. It's this co-creation that for so long we've been in a place where maybe we think we're the only one doing it. There's no one there for us.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:37

This loneliness that I felt as a child wasn't because I didn't have parents that weren't around or didn't love me, but I was sent off on my own from a very early age to take care of my own needs, to play with myself, to make myself comfortable to soothe myself. You know this reflection that I have sometimes when I am curious about what are my core wounds, what are those pieces of me that are still working on my stuff. We're always uncovering more stuff and that piece that doesn't know how to be. In the contrast, because there wasn't a lot of conflict when I was growing up, I recognize that it's like it doesn't feel comfortable in the rapids of the river and I'm learning, even at 55 years old, how to trust that I can be okay. Right, that loneliness that I felt created a sense of isolation, that there's no one there for me and that no one's there for me translated out into not having the depth of spiritual trust that I wanted to have. That has always been in there. Right, the things that I say if they, if they, speak to you, it's because you feel it already. I'm not telling you anything that you don't already have within you. I'm just reminding you of who you are, just like I was reminded of who I was and I continue to be reminded. It's a it's an evolving journey. So this piece of resistance that we have is really us trying to protect ourselves. And if you haven't listened to the episode on protectors and parts.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:17

I highly recommend that episode from last year. I love that episode because when I really start looking at how I have created some of the not so desirable aspects of myself, or the parts of me that keep me stuck, or the parts of me that keep me from opening to love, or the parts of me that keep me from trusting, they're just protections. They're just the parts of me that are protecting other parts of me from my old, wounded belief systems. Right, this little girl who felt like she had to do it all on her own and I was also reflecting this morning about how, you know, my mom was such a lovely mom in so many ways Like. She's so peaceful, she's so easygoing. She doesn't tell me what to do, she is a Buddhist. She doesn't tell me what to do, she is a Buddhist. She's very even keeled. You know, when her house burned down, she got a tear in her eye one time, right I sobbed hysterically when her house burned down, but she was able to let it go. Well, if you look at that from the side of learning how to have emotions, her emotions are so flat that I didn't learn how to have in reflection. You know if you're reflecting from how your parents are.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:41

So many of you came from families that had some a totally different story, where it was so tumultuous, so intense. Right, you didn't know if it was going to be big anger or big upset, and then and then the one that you're going to get. You know, am I getting the the cheerful mom or the heavy mom? Am I getting the cheerful, loving dad, or am I getting the angry, intense dad? So many of you came from addiction, and so this piece where you're, you're using your parents as a reflection tool to learn how to feel, and for me, it was just, it was very flat, and and I've been really thinking a lot about that because I, the more that I dig into it, the more I realize I didn't really know how to handle my own up and down emotions, because the expectation in my own mind was that it would just. You just stayed flat. It should all just be good.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:34

Well, life isn't just good all the time. Life is complex and messy. Life is complicated. It has twists and turns. We are creative beings and creativity is solving problems. We love stories that have these intense storylines of trial and tribulation and the hero's journey, and they make it and they figure it out. This is who we are, and yet in our own lives we kind of want to achieve this flatness. Well, the flatness actually doesn't have a lot of the spark or energy either.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:08

So this part of me, as a little girl that was kind of trying to understand the serious nature of my mom, is still, I think, searching for that and resists the waves, the turbulence, right, that turbulence of being in the river when it's intense and when I lean into the fact that everything's actually working out. What if everything's working out, even the hard stuff? What if that's part of some journey? And instead of seeing it as hardship, what if I just see it as part of the adventure? Then it shifts the mindset, it resets, it reframes how you're showing up in it. But what's interesting is the more you let go of the resistance at least this has been my huge, so true the more I let go of the resistance, the more it unfolds beautifully, naturally, it just opens up. You don't have to try to figure it all out, because the controller in me wants to line it all up. You don't have to try to figure it all out because the controller in me wants to line it all up, because if it's all lined up then I can feel safe and I feel safe, then everything's even right. You see how it all starts to lean back and you can start to see where these belief systems were created. But if I step into my co-creation with a higher power, if I truly, truly believe with all of my heart that I am being cared for well, attended to, that everything that I need is available to me, that I have to trust, and I'm not saying this makes your life easy and simple. I'm saying that you can trust, that you can trust. The less you resist, the more you can lean in and trust. So here I am.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:56

I'm recording this podcast in Sacramento, california, a few days before my son Alex and his girlfriend Lexi are going to be induced to have their baby. And it was interesting, as we were getting closer to planning this trip, my control stuff was coming up around, you know, getting airplane tickets and wanting to be there, and my biggest desire was I didn't want to miss it. You know I had not gone and done the baby shower. So if you've been listening to the podcast, you know these storylines and you can go back and pick up on some of those storylines. And there's an episode around Christmas, around this. But I made the choice to leave California at Christmas, in which meant that I missed the baby shower. And so Alex said it's okay to miss the baby shower, but it's really important to me that you're there for the birth.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 14:49

Well, babies don't just generally come on a day. Generally they come when they darn well feel like it, when the universe shoots them into the world to have their experience. And yet, you know, I have, I have a schedule, I have clients, I have a business, I have things that I need to do, and that part of me, that control part of me, was really activated Because my biggest fear was that I would let my son down by not being here for the birth of his baby, because that's important here for the birth of his baby, because that's important. And how do I show up, how do you plan when there's no planning? And then I would just say to myself I'm all right, all is well, I am well, everything is working out for us, everything is smooth and easy. The more I just lean into, it's all going to work out, rachel, it's okay. But it also means that I needed to take action.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:42

Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to learn more about the nine step soul recovery process. I hope that you'll join us the first Monday of every month for the free soul recovery support group on zoom, where we learn more about soul recovery and connect with each other. If you'd like to work directly with me to move through the nine-step soul recovery process, I'm here for you, but you can also choose to work the steps on your own, with individual modules intended to support you to work at your own pace and on your own time. And if you want even more soul recovery, join us for the Recover your Soul bonus podcast for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, where I interview amazing people sharing soul recovery tips for us and also do spiritual book studies. You can also find daily inspiration on Facebook and Instagram and join our private Facebook community. Visit the website for more information, links and registration for everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:39

Back to the episode. So lexi has um hypertension, so she needs to be induced if she didn't have the baby already and now we're at the place where he didn't come but um more about that. So because of her hypertension, they did decide that they were going to book a date. Now, I don't know if you've heard the whole story about when they found out that they were pregnant. The due date given was 222. And Lexi's been wearing a necklace that says 222 for years, and so it was just this beautiful moment where this due date that was given was the same due date of a number that is one of her favorite numbers.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:31

And this is the kind of stuff that, if you allow yourself to be in the flow, if you allow yourself to really recognize that it's not like there's some rule book or playbook or something that you don't don't have free will because spirituality says you absolutely have free will that the whole thing about our human experience here on earth school is that there is this, this energy, this power greater than ourselves. That is a web of creative force. That is frequency. And if you listen to the bonus podcast on Friday, which I actually was a talk that I gave at a spiritual center, which I loaded the full video on YouTube. So if you're not an Apple podcast subscriber or Patreon member which I encourage you, become a Patreon member. It's free. If you want to support the podcast, that's great, and you can become a paid subscriber and have access to all the past episodes and those bonus episodes it's. I am so grateful for this community. If you want to just listen on the the first week that those episodes are dropped free, members can do that. So get on Patreon and get these episodes because they will help support your soul recovery journey with all the beautiful interviews and the book studies we're going to about to dive deeply into more Al-Anon and codependency stuff from a poll from the community. Okay, all that aside, so last Friday I did this episode.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:07

That was a talk that I gave at a spiritual center about energy and about light. Right, we are actually attracting the frequency in which we feel on the inside. Our lives on the outside are a direct reflection of how we feel on the inside and my spiritual journey is evidence of that on the inside. And my spiritual journey is evidence of that that when I was in chaos, when I was unhappy, when I was miserable, my life was chaotic and miserable. I got the same people in my life. I have the same people in my life. I got that same husband. I got those same kids. They're still with their own issues. One is sober, one is not sober. You know, my husband is still rich, even though he's sober, he still has his own stuff. We will end up raising the vibration through our own healing. We will shine a light in the world around us by being our most healed selves and truly believing that everything is indeed working out for us.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:10

So here's this baby who was due on 222. And then, you know, because of her hypertension, then they're scheduling things and I'm thinking to myself I've got to, I've got to plan, I've got to get a date, I've got to get an Airbnb, I've got to. You know all the planning that we need to do. And I'm always connecting with my spirit guides, with my internal knowings, and asking for what's right from that place of everything's working out for me and that trusting. And when I push you can, I can feel it. You can feel it when it feels like you're pushing against something. That's hard, but when you allow, it's like things just happen.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:56

So I looked at the airfares and I picked the 19th because it was a cheap day to fly. Then I went down and I said, oh, I think I'll stay two weeks. And then I decided two weeks was too long. So then I backed it off a little bit and made it be 12 days, and then I said you know what, if the baby comes before then, I'll pop on a flight and I'll get there before then. It was this release of that resistance that we have to plan everything. Release of that resistance that we have to plan everything. And when they went in to get their last doctor's appointment, they picked an induction date. The induction date was the 21st.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:36

So now I've come, coming in on the 19th, I pick an Airbnb and you know Airbnbs won't give you the address. But I picked one that was within a couple blocks from what the little picture was from where they live here in Sacramento, and I kept going in and looking again and again, again. You ever do that. Where you like go in, you're like I'm gonna pick something and then something. And he was like oh, am I making the right choice? There's so much of me that like wants to do it right and wants to have it be smooth and easy. But this one place just kept popping again and again and again, saying pick me, pick me, pick me. So I finally commit and I get the reservation. I pay that extra $100 so that if I needed to cancel or change it, you know, just for my own peace of mind. And then I get the email that gives me the actual address of this Airbnb and it is literally exactly across the street from Alex and Lexi's apartment I mean across the street from them and I felt that feeling everything's working out when I trust and allow.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:45

And then we get here and we get a car and Rich drives down to Santa Cruz to go be with Bodhi so that he can go get some surfing in, so that he's satisfied, and I just settled in. I just had that Everything's working out, everything's working out. And now they just changed the induction so that it's likely that she's going to have that baby on 222. 222, just like has been showing up. Rich has so many screenshots that he has from looking down at his phone and it's 222. I mean screenshot after screenshot after screenshot. And it's that. What if we trust? What if you allow? What if you just say I want to be part of something greater still, I want to stop being the one in charge, I want to co create, I want to allow it to be in the flow, I want to trust that, even if it's hard, I can handle it. You know, by the time this airs, we'll know whether it actually came on 222, before or after. He'll come when he's ready. He'll come when it's time for him.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:56

But this part of me that wants to figure everything out, wants to make sure that everything is easy, wants to soothe that child that is trying to keep that baseline. The more healed I get, the more I recognize that if I'm grounded, if I'm steady, it can be turbulent and I'm going to be okay. It's really not my adult self who can't handle it, it's really these younger parts of myself. And they continue to have more and more freedom to say I'm scared or I don't know what to do about this, or I want to figure it out, or I don't want people to be upset. And then I do all this inner dialogue with myself that doesn't take all that much time, that nobody knows that I'm doing, and I just am kind to myself and I just allow it to relax.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:52

Now, is this situation with Alex and Lexi going to be smooth and easy? I don't know. You know, I would love for it to. I would love to set up some sort of magic wand that could make it be without any issues. But really is that what life is all about? We are problem solvers. We are heroes having a hero's journey. We are here to explore and to have an adventure, so I want everything to go smoothly on so many different levels. But I also know that it's going to be whatever it's going to be and that we can all handle it, and we can handle it with grace and kindness and sweetness.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:35

And I was on the phone with Rich this morning, checking in, and he and Bodhi were just about to go out and do their surfing and he was just so sweet. He just said you know, what I'm most happy about is that our family is here doing this together and I just thought, wow, I would have never you know, 10 years ago, when things were especially horrendous, I would have never thought that we'd be on the phone and he would just be so giddy and excited to be in life with our family. And that was my experience. If you were to ask him, he probably has a whole different experience of how all this whole story has been for him, but for me, to really see the healing that has happened in our family is so profound and it's because I've switched my switch to saying everything actually is working out.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 27:35

It may not be working out to be easy. It may not be working out to be without contrast or without complexity or without mess, but it is working out and I can trust that and the more I lean into it, the more things just line up. Easy going. Easy does it Including being able to be here across the street from Alex and Lexi? I've done about three loads of laundry already in this little Airbnb. I get to meet up with people who are in this area next weekend and have a little sacred circle. I get to experience the birth of this new little baby coming into the world. It's a soul coming in to have its own experience, and it chose our family. What a blessing. I'll keep you posted on how everything's going and I'll probably do some social media posts, maybe with or without babies. We'll see if they let pictures happen. But I'm just, you know, I'm just here for the ride and the more that I let go of the need to control, the more enjoyable the ride is, and that's the part I'm grateful for.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:47

As a reminder, if you want support with this, my suggestion would be to go to the website, check out recoveryyoursoulnet, look at the nine step soul recovery process. If you want to do it on your own, you can do the modules yourself and I have the first four steps up and ready to go. I'm working on the remaining steps. You can also work with me as a spiritual coach. Please come and join the free soul recovery support group the first Monday of every month. It's a beautiful group. I have retreats and workshops. This year we're just here doing our work together because together we can do the work that will recover our soul. Work together because together we can do the work that will recover our soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:31

Until next time, namaste, thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process. Just a reminder that every Friday is the recover your soul bonus podcast. This podcast is for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers and not only do you get an incredible interview or book study that comes with being part of that community, but your subscribing helps support this podcast and the Recover your Soul community. If you want to listen to those bonus episodes but can't subscribe right now, do know that you can be a free Patreon member and have access for limited time to new episodes. Visit the website RecoverYourSoulnet or check out the show links below for coupons and information for upcoming events. I thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I thank you for giving it five stars, and the reviews that are left bring tears to my eyes. I am honored to be part of your life. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.