From Reactivity to Peace: Soul Recovery Tools to Step Off the Emotional Battlefield

In this heartfelt episode of the Recover Your Soul Podcast, I share one of the most powerful tools of Soul Recovery: learning to step off the emotional battlefield and into peace. Soul Recovery is a spiritual path that teaches us how to shift from reactivity to intentionality—not by bypassing our feelings, but by honoring them and choosing differently. In this episode, I offer real-life stories from my own journey, including a recent moment with Rich that reminded me how quickly old patterns can surface—and how empowering it is to pause and return to our truth. Together, we’ll walk through the 9-Step Soul Recovery Process as a daily practice, not just a one-time checklist.

 Whether it’s parenting, partnership, or past pain, we all have places where we’ve armored up to feel safe—but the battlefield never brings peace. You’ll learn how to take your power back by laying down your weapons and picking up awareness, surrender, and grace. This episode is a gentle yet transformative invitation to s

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This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Taking Power Back Through Soul Recovery
• 9:22 The Nine Step Soul Recovery Process
• 20:32 Getting Off the Emotional Battlefield
• 29:46 A Real-Life Example of Soul Recovery
• 39:36 Rewriting Your Story and Choosing Peace
• 44:36 The Value of the Pause in Relationships

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:46

Soul recovery is about taking your power back by being able to be in situations that used to be what I call the emotional battlefield and making a different choice to not be reactive, to use the pause, to use the nine step soul recovery process to allow yourself to feel the feelings that you're feeling in that moment, but not fall into old patterns. I use an example recently that Rich and I had of an interaction about how I'm using the Nine Step Soul Recovery process to choose peace over reactivity. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:28

I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast and community. I'm Rev Rachel. Thank you so much for joining me today. We've been talking a lot about how your thoughts and the words that you use, choose the reality in which you live, in that thoughts create things. Thoughts create the life that you live, and so I wanted to come and look at that from this perspective. That really allows us to see that we can choose in each moment how we're going to show up, that we can stop being reactive and choose peace instead, and it's going to hit on the soul recovery steps, and I'll explain those as we come along. What I love about the soul recovery process is it's given me tools in my own life to fully transform and show up in a totally different way, and if you've heard the stories of the previous episodes and I know many of you I still love this.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:51

Go back to the very beginning, which, oh my gosh, in 2020, when I started this podcast, I was an entirely different person and my life was still really, really chaotic and complicated, and I just share with you this process of learning how to be in my life in a different way, and you've been along on this ride with me, with my kids, when they were still really struggling and had just moved to California and were young adults still, goodness gracious, there was still a lot of stuff going on with them. Rich and I were not nearly at the place where we are today and there was a lot more strife, but I've been using this nine-step soul recovery process Every single day. I still use it, and that's what I want to talk to you about today this idea that we are coming off of what I call the emotional battlefield, this place where we pit ourselves against the other people in our lives and quite often we pit ourselves against the people that we care about the most, because there is a lot going on and still things continue to go on. So I'm going to tell some stories about that, but what I want to really continue giving you tools for is to be in your life using the nine-step soul recovery process, not just as steps that you do one time, but the way to handle and think about and be in the midst of a hard conversation or one of those triggering moments or when it just feels like your life is unmanageable. These are the tools that you pick up to get off of that emotional battlefield. And what I think is so amazing and so great is that, although there are still complexities that come and challenges, rather than difficulty right or things that I'm struggling with, we're moving our thoughts, we're using our words more conscientiously and we're saying I'm in the middle of a challenge, or I had something that I bumped up against, or I was able to see something in a different way, or gosh, there's still a story that I'm telling myself here. Those are empowering ways to talk about how you're feeling, because your feelings are everything. Your feelings are telling you very specifically what's going on within you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:09

But we've been pounding those down, pushing them aside, neglecting our heart, not paying attention to what's really going on with ourselves, being codependent, choosing somebody else's life first, not paying attention to what we need, for so long. But this process is giving us tools and languaging and the ability to understand and see. There's nothing wrong with any of that. We just no longer want to live from those limiting old beliefs and patterns that do not align with us, that do not allow us to be our full self, and they keep us in this loop of pain and suffering and frustration. And we've realized this is actually step one. We've realized we can do something about it. We're ready for awakening, we're ready to heal ourselves, we're ready to make a decision, to choose a different way for us to be in the world.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:05

Step two is we're powerless over everybody else, powerless over what anybody else chooses or says, but we are ready to come into our understanding of who we are. And in step three we're looking at what are these old limiting beliefs, patterns and stories? What do I actually think underneath there and can I actually see that? It's not true, it's not true that I have to take care of everybody. It's not true that something's wrong with me or that I'm unlovable or unworthy these really limiting beliefs that are in our unconscious and subconscious. We're bringing them up to the surface so that we can begin to make a change, to make a different decision of how we're going to be in the world, to recognize that those beliefs were made by younger selves.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:51

And then step four we're moving into co-creating with the higher power of your understanding, really stepping into your spiritual practice, learning what your intuition is, learning the co-creation, being more attuned to your feelings and how that's relating to your spiritual self and how you can begin to feel held and resourced and part of something even greater. And then we move to step five, which is letting go of those old stories. Letting go of the old stories, really recognizing that they aren't true, that we don't have to choose them, that just because that was the way that our body and our mind worked with each other to protect ourselves in the past, or the stories that we had made up, or the truths that we really thought were true. We see that they were limited, that they came from situations that were painful, but we're ready to let them go. Step six is actually letting them go, that we choose to embrace these new beliefs, to rewrite our story, to step into the truth of who we are and to begin to see how that has always been who we are. We begin to really recognize that there's evidence of the truth of who we are just as much as there was evidence of our shortcomings or the old beliefs and patterns and stories that we thought were true. We're moving into what is true for us and really claiming that and rewriting our entire story.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:25

And then, in step seven, we're aligning with this new perception. We are seeing the world in a completely different way. Step eight we are continuing to deepen our spiritual practice. We're really looking at how we can be more attuned to these incredibly wise and beautiful and, oh my gosh, we just have so much ability to be present in a way that allows us to see the world and have this different perception and to really lean into our inner wisdom, our inner guidance, and to use that part of ourselves, that intuitive part of ourselves, to be present in the world. And then, step nine shine your light, go out into the world as this fully embodied self and be present in your world in a way that can be of service, that can be helpful, that can be a beacon of light to others. Not trying to fix or change or control anybody, but really just being the wholeness of who you are.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:31

Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet to learn more about the nine step soul recovery process. I hope that you'll join us the first Monday of every month for the free soul recovery support group on zoom, where we learn more about soul recovery and connect with each other. If you'd like to work directly with me to move through the nine step soul recovery process, I'm here for you. But you can also choose to work the steps on your own, with individual modules intended to support you, to work at your own pace and on your own time. And if you want even more soul recovery, join us for the Recover your Soul bonus podcast for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers, where I interview amazing people sharing soul recovery tips for us and also do spiritual book studies. You can also find Daily Inspiration on Facebook and Instagram and join our private Facebook community. Visit the website for more information, links and registration for everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:28

Back to the episode, what I wanted to get to. It's kind of funny that I was guided to just to go through the complexity, the stickiness of life, to remind yourself of who you are. Just because you did it one time certainly does not mean that you are one and done. That's not how that works. It's not been how it works for me. But I continue to deepen my process and each time I really stay present in and I deepen my process when there's a new opportunity to learn. It isn't quite as dark and deep and painful in the way that it used to be painful. There might be intense feelings, but feelings aren't bad. Our attachment to all of the stories that's the part that really is the suffering that we experience.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:41

So when we get on the emotional battlefield with the ones that we love, what we often do is we move into these habitual old patterns and it's really a protective mechanism to try to keep us safe, and isn't it interesting that the safety that we're often doing is actually keeping us separate from the people that we want to have more intimacy with, that we want to have more connection with. People aren't safe. No one is there for me. I'm not enough. This isn't going to be what I wanted it to be. I'm whatever. It is these really icky, yucky things that our critic says to ourself that are really just trying to keep the world out so that we can be safe.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:29

When I think about the emotional battlefield that Rich and I were in for so many years, there was a lot of validity in why we were battling so much and we didn't have the tools at the time to really understand how to communicate with each other. We were both raised in divorced homes. He was raised in a home that had a lot of conflict, a lot of yelling, a lot of not talking about feelings, a lot of kind of shoving things aside, and I was raised in a home with no conflict whatsoever. No raised voices. But in my own way of seeing the world, my way of keeping it all together, was to never actually have a voice. Not that I was told not to, but I just decided on my own, that was the safest thing to do. And so when we had kids and things get complicated as those of you have kids know that they get complicated and there's really no way around it. This is what it is to be a human being is that? Now you have a little person who has their own karma, their own personality, their own way of seeing the world.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 14:42

Somebody I was talking to recently said that his wife was frustrated at their two-year-old's temper tantrums and he said well, it's kind of easy. If you think about it from a two-year-old, it is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to them that they know of when they can't have something. They are starting to see in the world that they want something and you're telling them no. And, yes, they think that is the most horrific thing that could ever happen to them that you would say no at the grocery store to something or a balloon or a toy. And so when you look at it from their perspective, yeah, that was horrible, right. And so now we're having all this new spiritual parenting style. A friend of mine, she had a podcast called Heart to Heart Parents and now she's calling it Spiritual Parent, which I think is fabulous, because there really is this whole new tune into, because there really is this whole new tune into checking in with your kids on this spiritual level where we're not dismissing their feelings but we're not overdoing it. We're trying to swing and balance in a better way with our kids now, which is great.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:47

But when you think about how those feelings that we had when we were little were discounted and then when I was having kids, I didn't know how to handle their feelings and Rich had very different ways of thinking how it was supposed to be for making them behave in some particular way, and it was oil and water. It just had totally different flavors to it and so it was a battle. It was a battle and the other thing that I realized in my life that it took me a long time of healing and soul recovery work and digging into what are my beliefs, what are my stories, where did they come from? I recognize I didn't have two parents. My dad was around until I was around seven years old, but he wasn't really around all that much and he completely acquiesced and was whatever my mom wanted. So I only really had one parent. So I never even saw two parents model how to navigate between whoever did whatever right. It was just always.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:52

Whatever my mom's rules were, those were the rules and there was no sharing. So I didn't know how to share. I didn't know how to share. As an only child, I didn't know how to share. I didn't know how to share. As a parent, I didn't know how to share right? You start looking at these ways that we're creating, these battles that are really around protection.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:13

So Rich and I, as soon as I started to feel like he was attacking my parenting style or I was witnessing some behaviors and actions that I could see were not the ones that I wanted in my family, both from alcoholism and how you get when you're drinking Sometimes you get the nice one that's really fun and wants to do all the things and sometimes you get the irritated one. We had all that. But then we also had the piece that just said in his growing up it was you do what we say and that's how we, how it is. And when I was growing up it was this open conversation. There was never any no's, which is so strange to think about. If my mom actually said no, she really meant no, because most of the time it could be an open discussion and because it was this open discussion generally, I did what she wanted anyway and so I liked that and that's what I wanted.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:10

So it created this emotional battlefield that we were on, and so I just really want to give voice to the fact that sometimes it's pretty hard to not have the emotional battlefield within your family system, for whatever reason, because everybody's really still in there defended. This is what I need, what I want, this is how I think it should be, and it takes a lot of raised consciousness and self-awareness and desire to see it different and willingness to take a look at yourself and really a readiness to heal and to do things differently on all parties sides for there to be complete and whole healing. But when you make a decision, when you decide that you are going to step into this path of soul recovery, just one person coming off of the battlefield will make massive changes in how the system still continues to run and people will, through osmosis, slowly stop defending if there's nothing to defend. If you put your tools down, your knives, your battle things down, they're going to push against nothing and eventually it stops. It takes a lot of energy on your part, it is a lot of work, but it's totally worth it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:36

What's been happening in my life since things have substantially gotten more mellow around here is multifaceted right. The boys grew up. Now they're 26 and 28 years old. They live in California. They're primarily self-supporting through their own contributions 99.9% with a little help every once in a while because they're helping themselves and they're doing their own work. They have seasons of sobriety and not sobriety, but neither one of them are in a time of crisis. They're actually in really good shape right now, which is a gift all on its own.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:15

Alex and his girlfriend have a beautiful baby who's four months old, who is. He is just sparkly and shiny and laughing and giggling, and his girlfriend is just the most extraordinary giving, loving mom who is just doting on him and he's thriving, which is beautiful, and that part of my life is in pretty good shape. And then for Rich and I, our life is actually in pretty good shape most of the time, and one of the reasons why, in all fairness and transparency, that I think that it's going so well most of the time is because we're both super busy In our lives. We still don't have a lot of things that we connect on that we do the same Still to this day. He really prefers athletic stuff. I never have right.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:10

I'll go watch him, I'll go do things, but even then I'm less likely to go to all of them because I have other things I'd rather be doing. I'd rather be working on the podcast, or I'd rather be going to a meditation group, or I'd rather stay home and do spiritual study. Like, my brain is just different and I'm immersed in this spiritual world. I live it, breathe it, eat it. Everything that I'm doing. Live it, breathe it, eat it, everything that I'm doing. And it has just brought me so much inner peace and there's so much happening within me that it's hard to even explain, but it feels really good to me. So when we do things together.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:50

He now works a job where he's gone from 12 hours a day Monday through Thursday, and on a totally between you and me secret not so much a secret because he knows it's true. It's been actually good for me. I miss him, which is lovely, but it's given me these four blocks of days where I can really be in my bubble and I see clients and I work on the podcast and I do meditation in the morning and there's not this energy of him getting ready for the day for construction and in and out of the house and opening the garage door and the big truck starting and even workers coming in. I mean all the stuff that used to be on a daily. And the only way that I could really go into my spiritual space is to come out here to my podcast studio. And now I kind of have my house and that feels really good. And then when we are together we are laughing and enjoying our home and making jokes and we have a couple of TV shows that we like to watch together and it's pretty lighthearted. We don't have a lot of really deep conversations, but when we do move into that space there's more and more capacity for it. I mean much more than I give Rich credit, for he is doing a great job and then he actually in his new world, unfortunately still has jobs that he was doing before he started this new job and so he's working literally seven days a week, from morning until dark, every single day, and he's doing a really good job of holding it together most of the time.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:28

So the other day, what I want to share with you is the emotional battlefield has really subsided. There's no emotional battlefield 90% 95, I'm going to say 95% of the time. There is no emotional battlefield at all, and it used to be 95% of the time we were in an emotional battlefield. So for those of you who are in it, there is a way out. I just want to give you hope, and it may mean that your life ends up not being with the people who are continuing to battle and won't put down their weapons.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:02

That is something that we have to look at. We have to be honest about. We're learning in soul recovery to see our life as it is, and I say on a regular basis, I'm so grateful that Rich and I have done this work to save our marriage. I am not married to the same person, like literally not married to the same person who I didn't enjoy and who I was in battle with even seven years ago. We are both completely different people and the key for us has been to step into this new phase in our life and this new relationship with these new people, without dragging all of the past with us as often as we can, but it still comes up from time to time.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:45

So here's my little, and this is one of those stories. It's like it's not even that big of a deal, but it just shows you how quick those old patterns and those old you know like oh, gritty, sticky things can come and that there is another way to handle it. So the other day I show Rich a Instagram post of Alex and his girlfriend and Bodhi at a concert, and they had bought these tickets for this concert like months ago or something. And Rich did his habitual old pattern step three discovering our old patterns and his habitual old pattern was to say something snarky oh, if they don't have any money, how could they go to a concert? And then he looked at me and he said you probably paid for it, didn't you? Oh, oh, ow, ouch, oh, man, that burned.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:37

And I watched myself go right back into the battlefield. I felt that just hot flash of just oh, like, just that thing that happens right, and I felt defensive. But at the same time I went into that place where it was like I didn't want to fight, but I felt like I had to defend. And this is one of my old patterns, this is a pattern. So we're looking at patterns in soul recovery too.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:12

There's a belief that I have that I need to protect my children at all costs, at all costs. And it's my job to make sure everybody's okay. And I don't like anybody to fight and I don't like there to be conflict and that I'm going to justify, I'm going to defend, I'm going to, I'm the warrior who makes sure that everything's good. And so I was cautious not to have a bitchy tone and come at the way that I used to, which would have been to totally just fight back and be pissed, and instead I just said no, they bought the tickets like three or four months ago. They've been saving up for it. Because I'm controlling. Can you feel how that's control? I'm controlling, I'm trying to make rich, not be mad If I say to him oh, they saved the money from three months ago and this was an. I watched myself like trying to be nice-y so that he would let go of whatever that was.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 27:10

This is step two. We're powerless over what somebody thinks. Powerless over what his response is, over what somebody thinks, powerless over what his response is. But what was underneath was so much more and it's so interesting how it was something so menial and small, but when I went and journaled on it later, it had so much more information. So, okay, so we're back in the situation with Rich. So he kind of has this snarky remark. So he kind of has this snarky remark. And I definitely get bristly and he can feel when I get bristly and I think I said something like I just wish that your comments, he had saved the money.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 27:56

And then he had some other comment. I could never actually remember the whole conversations word for word because I think in remember in feelings and not in exact words. And it was a little bristly and so I turned on my heel and I started to leave, to go out to the podcast studio, and he was like, don't leave. And I said, no problem, I'm just going back to work. But what I was really doing was I was withdrawing and I was retreating because I was pissed. And so then I went into the podcast studio and I got my journal out.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 28:28

And this is where this process of getting off the emotional battlefield. There was a couple of things that happened. One was I didn't engage beyond those couple few lines. I did not fight, I did not go into a whole monologue or tirade about how he always and then expound on it. I said something. I caught myself trying to control. I think I said something, so that I had a voice to be able to say a truth for myself, but I didn't go off on it more and more and more, and then I remembered the pause, the value of the pause, and the pause gives space right.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:07

Like so, we are in a situation like this, whether it's a big one or a small one, and everybody starts flooding in with all of their story and all their defense mechanisms and how you know, how can you be like this? Why can't you see this? But that's not what any of it's really about. Rich has beliefs and patterns that are habitual to him, and one of his habitual things are these remarks that he has against Alex, are these remarks that he has against Alex, and it hurts me because I wish that he felt differently about his son, and the story that I tell myself in my journaling that I went and did the story tell myself is that he doesn't care about him as much as I do, or he doesn't care about him as much as he does Bodhi, or he can't see things him as much as he does Bodhi, or he can't see things. He didn't say that Bodhi didn't have the money for a ticket. You know what I'm saying Like I had to go and look at it for myself and I had to take that pause so that I could process what was really going on for myself.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 30:12

And underneath and if you've had coaching with me or heard me talk about this in other podcasts in our beliefs and our stories and patterns, I feel like they're rocks. Each person or situation is a rock and on top of the rock is all the places that we're dissatisfied or pissed or we don't like it, and then all the control that we're trying to do right, I'm trying to say the nice thing or I want to make him feel a different way, and how I'm manipulating that and if I'm trying to make him be something else or think something else. But underneath the rock is really where all of our power to heal is, and to really look at what those beliefs are, to recognize that underneath all of that is just sadness. I'm just sad that there's still this part of our family and it's going to make me cry that still has this layer of judgment, and that I can't help but protect it. Protect it, and the truth is he is entitled to say whatever he thinks, because he thinks those things, and I'm entitled to feel how I feel. But when we allow each person just to be who they are in those moments, understanding that everybody's just showing up with their own in those moments, understanding that everybody's just showing up with their own baggage, with their own rocks, with their own old beliefs their own, whatever the wounding is, whatever the expectations are, whatever the response is, then we come off the battlefield and we just see human beings doing sometimes faulted interchanges, and I was able to release and rewrite the story.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 32:04

And when you rewrite a story, it's not just about saying I'm not responsible for my family and their happiness. It's about truly stepping into that, knowing that depth of knowing that there's reasons why those beliefs are so deep in there and that it makes sense that of course they are. And then, to have as much evidence of the truth I am not responsible for anyone in my family, whether they are happy or unhappy, or healthy or unhealthy. They are managing their own well-being and I am responsible for managing my own well-being and I choose to be happy, I choose to be whole. I'm choosing this life. That's important to me. And then I found evidence of that and I reminded myself of how far we had come and how this is such a teeny, tiny little prick compared to these huge, blown out, painful, dark, complex, fighting, screaming, oh my God, like the world that we lived in before was just so horrible. Here we are in this one little thing, and I'm the one who's still being affected. I'm the one Because Rich can say those things, but the story I tell myself is that he doesn't love his son for some reason because he's making a comment about money.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 33:32

The truth is, they're struggling with money. It's a big deal for them. I think everyone's entitled to happiness. So if they want to go to a concert, sure, and really what was underneath was the pushing of the button that I paid for it. If you look at the grand scheme of things, you know, when I do help Alex out from here to time to time, because he's helping himself, maybe I did pay for that by the time it's all said and done, because he had overextended himself in these places, but he's doing all these things and so then, this part that I paid, maybe I did pay for those tickets, but the way that he said it hurt me from an old wound, an old jumping on the battlefield, and I'm always encouraging you to do this processing within yourself, because we can't process with them the way that we want to, because everyone in general is too caught up with their own story and their own wounding for there to be deep healing. People have got to be really far ahead to be able to do that.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 34:40

And here I am. I work on this 24 hours a day. And here I am. I work on this 24 hours a day. I sleep it, I feel it, I'm working it. I'm working it with you, and all it took was one teeny, tiny comment, not to throw me into a huge tailspin, but to like, oh, like, I just got my. I just got pricked a little bit right, but it gave me this great opportunity to like, really continue to work on this stuff that I don't want anymore. We are in a time right now where we're being invited to truly see these old beliefs and to see how that hit me and it's unnecessary all day, two days a week.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 35:30

Right, I would have had this thing where I mulled over it, where I ruminated on the stories, where I brought in all the times that he had said this and this, and that I would have gathered up all the evidence of the old story that is not beneficial in my life or our lives anymore and I would have brought that person back. That was in my life 7, 10, 15 years ago. That was really hard and that's not fair. That's not fair Because he made some off mark. That's just him. He's busy, he's in his world right now. He's got a lot going on. He's not present. He's not thinking about kind things to say. He's just in the world, just doing his thing.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 36:15

And when I could see that, all the energy left it and I came back to my knowing that the story is not that my husband doesn't love my son. My story is actually my husband does love my son. He loves him so much that he wants him to do well. He loves him so much that he's sending him little tips from Instagram of how to save his money and things that he could do to build his side business. He wants for him because he loves him. He wants for him because he loves him. Now, how we choose to see that and how we interact with it is our work to do in our own limiting beliefs.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 36:56

So then we both had part of our day and then we come back together in the day and I asked him something about his business and he was, oh no, first of all. He comes in and he's like are you mad at me? I said no, not at all. He was so sheepish. He was just like, oh, thank goodness, he's like I really don't want you to be mad at me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say something off cutting. That wasn't my intention. I said I know it wasn't, it's okay. I didn't also go into my whole processing and explain to him all the things I just explained to you. You know why? Because they're mine, because it's mine.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 37:33

I don't actually need to justify my healing to him either, and if there's a moment where the door opens, we're discussing these processes and these awarenesses that we have feels connecting and like the right thing to do and that it will be helpful in some way share it. Most of the time, though, the other person again is so in their own defended self that it's pretty hard for them to see, and sometimes it might even lean to the thing like well, I'm glad you're figuring that out. You know, you saw that and that was yours. We don't need that either. No, we don't. This is really about taking judgment out altogether, and when you let go of judgment, you actually don't have to defend or have judgment on yourself or let somebody else judge your process. Just be the light, just step into your authentic self. That's number seven to be aligned with the new self, to open up to the new story, the new belief, then, to live it and be present in it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 38:36

So he said are you mad at me? I said no, I smiled. Actually, it is very important to him to be greeted. It's something that is just in his world from his whole lifetime. When he comes in the door I'm always very conscious of being like hi, honey, welcome home, or, in the morning, good morning. That's important to him, and so I had done that.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 38:58

When he came in, he said you mad at me? No, and then I asked him about one of his projects. He's doing a remodel in my mom's house. That was unexpected and so I'm a little more curious about it. And he was reactive about my curiosity and he said I just wish you wouldn't. And I said here's my request and this is a word that I use a lot request. I have a request. And he said what's that? And I said I really am just curious and just like how you had your remark about Alex, and it just sort of comes out, and it's the way that you say things. I just ask you questions in this way that I see pushes a button for you, and my request is that we can have more grace with each other. And he said I totally see what you're saying. He said I'll work on that and thank you for working on that. And you're into. This is huge.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 39:54

I mean, this teeny, tiny little moment is something that is around us, healing and stepping more fully into our authentic selves instead of on the battlefield. And the truth was, there was never actually a battlefield. We actually didn't go back onto the battlefield. It was like you picked up a couple of those old tools, those old defensive mechanisms, and then I looked at them and I was like, nah, I don't really want to go out there, I don't want to be on the battlefield anymore.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 40:24

So when we pause, when we're the ones that are conscientious of ourselves, it can affect change. Now, the oh gosh, the thing that we have to be cautious about is that we're going to want to do this work so that they will change, so that they will be different, and that may or may not happen, but you'll feel different. You'll not be totally spun out in all of your old beliefs and patterns. You'll show up and you'll rewrite your story and I'm rewriting a story around a hero's journey that we've been through and that the new story is that we are, these four adults in the family who love each other, who have the ability to witness each other for exactly who they are. We don't need to fix each other, that we can hold space for each other, that we can choose to pause, that we don't have to over-process everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 41:22

And the story that I'm telling myself is that I am working so beautifully on my well-being that 99.9% of the time I'm great, I'm really good. God, that was not the case for so long. Again, I say it's no wonder that I fell into my own addictions, because they were so trying to cover the pain that I feel in my heart, and those of you who have addicts in your life, they're just trying to cover the pain in their heart too. So when we model being well, when we model being whole, we're giving some ability for them to see that there is a different choice, although we cannot make anybody else choose. I felt so connected to Rich after that and that again we used to do silent treatment, or at least I did silent treatment for days, weeks, until it just settled in my body to where I just kind of we just would pretend like it was over, right, we wouldn't even talk about it because it was so much, and those moments just give me such hope.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 42:39

So, pausing, doing the work yourself, working that nine-step soul recovery process, allowing it to give you the information about your feelings, really attuning to who you are, how you're showing up, what is it showing you? How can you look at what the story that it wants to tell, that old pain body story that it wants to tell? How can you honor it? Be kind to that part of yourself, give yourself compassion and then make a solid decision to stand and be in the wholeness and the healed part of yourself that you are In these new patterns, these new stories, rewriting who you are and living from that. That's the power of change. Until next time, namaste.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 43:30

Thank you for listening and I hope that that helps support your soul recovery process. Just a reminder that every Friday is the Recover your Soul bonus podcast. This podcast is for Patreon members and Apple podcast subscribers and not only do you get an incredible interview or book study, that comes with being part of that community, but your subscribing helps support this podcast and the Recover your Soul community. If you want to listen to those bonus episodes but can't subscribe right now, do know that you can be a free Patreon member and have access for limited time to new episodes. Visit the website recover your soulnet or check out the show links below for coupons and information for upcoming events. I thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I thank you for giving it five stars, and the reviews that are left bring tears to my eyes. I am honored to be part of your life. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.