Authenticity and Healthy Boundaries: Knowing When to Process and When to Share

Join the 9-Step Recover Your Soul Collective

Every once in a while, I revisit a Bonus Podcast episode that feels especially relevant to where we are on our soul journey, and this is one of those conversations.

A longtime listener recently reached out to tell me this was one of the most impactful episodes I've shared. As I listened to it again, I realized how beautifully it connects with so many of the conversations we've been having lately about authenticity, healthy boundaries, self-awareness, and choosing peace over old protective patterns.

One of the greatest gifts of healing is learning to be authentic. To be vulnerable. To speak our truth.

But authenticity doesn't mean sharing everything with everyone.

There is a profound difference between processing and sharing, and understanding that difference can transform our relationships, our healing, and the way we connect with others.

In this deeply personal episode, I share an experience where I found myself processing a painful story in a space that wasn't meant to hold that level of healing work. What felt embarrassing and uncomfortable at the time became a powerful gift on my own Soul Recovery journey.

I realized that sometimes our deepest healing doesn't happen by telling our story over and over. Sometimes it happens by finding the right container to process it, allowing ourselves to move through it with compassion, fully release it, and then sharing the wisdom that remains.

Healthy boundaries aren't only about saying "no."

They're also about honoring ourselves enough to know what belongs in a safe healing space and what belongs in everyday conversation.

As we recover our souls, we begin to recognize that authenticity and discernment can exist together. We don't have to choose between being real and protecting our peace. We can honor both.

In This Episode:

💜 The important difference between processing and sharing

💜 Why vulnerability needs healthy boundaries

💜 How to recognize when you're seeking connection versus seeking relief

💜 A personal story about receiving difficult feedback with compassion instead of shame

💜 The role of safe containers in emotional and spiritual healing

💜 Why old stories sometimes keep us stuck instead of helping us heal

💜 Learning to witness your reactions instead of becoming them

💜 How authenticity deepens when we release the need to explain or justify ourselves

💜 Healing people-pleasing and learning to trust your own inner wisdom

💜 Responding from your wholeness instead of your woundedness

Resources for Your Soul Recovery Journey

🎁 Free Gift: Recover Your Soul™ 9-Step Workbook

Download your FREE workbook and begin releasing old patterns, reconnecting with your Higher Power, and remembering your wholeness.

Until next time, namaste. 💜 Rev Rachel

Learn more about Recover Your Soul in-person Retreats with Rev Rachel 

The Recovery Your Soul Podcast courses and content is for educational purposes only and is not affiliated with or representative of any organization, recovery group, or religion. And reflect the personal experience and opinions of Rev Rachel Harrison and her guests. RYS claims no responsibility, any person or entity for any loss, liability, damage caused or alleged to be caused, direct or indirectly by the use application or interpretation of the information presented within. 

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison 0:00

We are being invited more than ever to be authentic and vulnerable. However, there are places where it isn't exactly safe to fully open yourself up like that. Sometimes you just need to share and sometimes you need to process. A few months ago, I had a situation that was incredibly transformative for me and has been a gift of learning that I'm so grateful for, even though it was really,

Authenticity Needs Safe Spaces

Rev Rachel Harrison 0:26

really hard in the moment. And I shared it on the Recover Your Soul Bonus podcast. And then I got an email from one of the longtime listeners that said it was one of the most impactful episodes she'd ever heard. And with almost 600 episodes to choose from, that's pretty a big thing for her to say. So I wanted to share it with you here now because we've been talking about authenticity. We've been talking about how to step forward. We've been talking about how to use the recover your soul journey to step into your most authentic self. What is the difference between sharing and processing? Enjoy this replay of the bonus episode. Welcome to the Recover Your Soul Podcast and Community, a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover Your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency, people pleasing, and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and the recover your soul process to help others transform their lives as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our interchange and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to the Recover Your Soul Podcast. I'm Rev Rachel, and I'm so grateful to have you here with me today on this bonus podcast. Thank you for being an Apple Podcast subscriber, a Patreon member, and maybe even a YouTube member. These deeper dive podcasts into your continued journey of your soul to be able to recover your soul, to be able to bring in all these aspects of yourself and learn how to be okay, learn how to

Sharing Vs Processing Defined

Rev Rachel Harrison 2:09

be in difficult situations, learn how to be present in your body and in yourself in situations that sometimes are really hard. You know, one of the things that I say quite often is life continues to be lifey. And I think that sometimes we think that if we do this spiritual work, somehow we won't have any conflict or we won't have any challenge. And that's not necessarily what it's about. What it's really about is about being able to be present with what you can learn, how you can grow, how you can shift, how you can change your perception, what you can stand in yourself that isn't from old limiting beliefs or from those old patterns or stories, but really from a more integrity and authentic place. And we're being invited even more deeply into our authenticity. And so sometimes in that we can get confused between processing and sharing. It's actually something that I'm still working on and recently had a situation where I wasn't clear about which one of those was appropriate for where I was, and I got called up for it. And it was really interesting and really painful in the moment, but it's given me this incredible opportunity to have some insight about myself. And my hope always is that insight on myself can help maybe give you insight on yourself. First, I want to go back into a little bit of the stress that Rich and I used to have in our relationship around something that we realized was a difference between decision making and brainstorming. And I think you've heard me talk about this before, where we would both be on a different page about whether we were brainstorming ideas, places to go, things to do on the house, things that we wanted to spend

Brainstorming Mode Vs Decision Mode

Rev Rachel Harrison 4:03

our money on, things that we had in our mind. And the other person would think we are in decision mode. And those two things bumped up against each other until we had somebody who described this situation. There's a difference between brainstorming, discussion mode, and decision mode. And when you can have clarity between those two things, it opens up space for both people to be on the same page or a team to be on the same page or whatever it is without shaming or harming the parties that are involved. And we've had some great success with that. As a matter of fact, recently Rich and I were going for a walk, we started talking about something, and he stopped and he goes, We're in discussion mode here. We're in brainstorming mode, right? And I was like, Yes, we're in brainstorming mode. And so there was just this lightness of like, there's nothing, there's nothing that you can't put on the table when it's brainstorming. Well, I just had a situation where I was in a small group, and I think that this idea of processing versus sharing is something I've never really thought of before in the way that hit me from this particular situation, which is why it's such a gift to have had this situation. I ended up going first and I ended up falling into my pain body. And this happens to us

The Group Moment That Went Sideways

Rev Rachel Harrison 5:25

in groups sometimes, especially groups where we feel like it's a place where we can talk about what's going on with us. And I think that because the book's coming out and I'm feeling very vulnerable around having my A, my life in this container, but even more vulnerable in the fact that will people like the book? The truth is it may be a very average book and people don't like it. And I have to, I have to be okay with whatever people choose. It might be a great book. I like the book, but I'm pretty biased because it's my book and my life. So I ended up starting to tell a story because it's a group that kind of talks about heavy stuff. And I watched myself fall into one of the deep pain stories that has been one of the hardest parts of my marriage. And it was around my husband building a cabin for my mother for three years when I was home with a baby and a toddler. And you'll read about it in the book if you read the book. But it was like some part of me couldn't stop. And I wasn't just talking about, I wasn't sharing, I was actually in real time processing some really important things that were using the recover your soul process within myself, the way I was talking about them, thinking about them. And and I cried and I was having, I was like having this huge release of this energy that wants to heal so badly that I want so desperately to finally, truly 100% get rid of the harm and the hurt that I felt in that. And in my mind, I'm thinking to myself, you are going way too long. This is a small group of people, you're using way too much space, you're going way too long. But I I had this compulsion to finish processing what was going on for me because it was having success, just like when we're in one-on-one coaching, because that's the appropriate place to process. And then somebody totally called me out in kind of an aggressive way and said, I'm gonna stop you there, and you're taking up too much time and cut me off and was pretty intense. Well, if you've been with me for a while, you know that's a shock to my system. It's something that is that's complicated for me. But what I did in that moment was I apologized. I recognized she was absolutely right. I had gone way too long. That was not my intention. I apologized for taking up space in the room and for for really for recognizing in that moment that

Called Out In Public

Rev Rachel Harrison 8:05

whatever was happening right there was not appropriate in that moment. And and then I sat with myself for the remaining hour and 20 minutes in this group, and I felt my feelings. And this is what I'm teaching you all the time is is to feel my feelings. And I felt my little girl who hates to be in trouble. I felt my little girl who felt like she wasn't part of the group and that she had done something wrong. I witnessed all those parts of myself. But one of the things that I also witnessed was that this story that can drag me down into the depths of my woundedness needs to be released and let go. And so as the group was ending, I felt that part that I'm always trying to encourage you to feel, which is that there was a higher self that could stay in that situation after having had this pretty big sort of shock. It was a pretty intense situation. And um, people have reflected with me afterwards, they're like, we're so sorry that was, you know, it could have been done in a much nicer way. People can always do things in a nicer way. I think this is the part that we want from other people. We want them to say the things in a nicer way. But the truth is, they're just showing up with what they have in that time. And I could tell that I was responsible for my own well-being, that this was a moment to utilize all these principles and to be responsible for my well-being. And even though I was affected and I was a little startled, I still was able to sit there for the rest of it and really try to be present with what was happening. So when I came home and um, I did have to leave the uh event pretty quickly because my whole self had been holding space for a while. I had to get in the car and cry a little bit and let off some steam. But when I got home, two things happened. One was I became really clear that that was a processing situation that I had just put into this group. This group is a sharing group.

Staying Present Instead Of Spiraling

Rev Rachel Harrison 10:12

And something clicked in me that I have never really maybe ever had. And it might be a really helpful part of like how I interact with people. And again, being an only child of a single mother who was more of a processor than a sharer, you know, we have these deep conversations. But I realized in that moment I've been confused with processing and sharing because I love deep work. I love deep work when I'm working with you, I love deep work when I'm working with people. But I had this epiphany that there's a difference in those two things, just like discussion mode versus brainstorming mode. And that I I need to work on my sharing and recognize that not everything is a deep process. But what was really, really impactful was I think an old me would have gone down a shame spiral that would have been really dark. And I'm watching it even today as I've been processing it. I've been watching the part of me that says, never talk again, don't ever share, don't ever be with people. Those are all just the fear little girl parts of me that have been rejected my whole life in very various ways and will continue to be rejected. This person had it had a reaction to me, and that was a reaction that she is entitled to have. And I think we want to control the other people. I'm powerless over her reaction, but I'm not powerless over mine. So that ability for me to be in that difficult situation, even though I was hurting inside, but I was in, I was, I was remembering that the processing happens inside of your own head, not the spiral, the spiral thing that we can do, not the ruminating, the repetitive patterns, but the the genuine questions that we can ask ourselves. How can I see this differently? What can I learn here? What is here for me to see? How can I expand from this? How is this perfect in some wild way? And when I woke up this morning, I thought, one of the things I really think I got from that was I have told the story about the cabin. It is a very important part of my life and my marriage from Rich. But you know who was sweet to me last night when I came home affronted? My husband, the person that I spent 20 or 40 minutes or whatever. It ended up being way too much time in this meeting, sort of remembering the pain from the cabin. The person that he is today, he

Choosing The Right Container

Rev Rachel Harrison 13:02

showed up and met me in the kitchen and hugged me and told me I was okay. Makes me emotional. And it reminded me of the story I tell in the book about how we were telling our love story to somebody, and then I told our pain story, and I could feel all of that pain. We have to touch in on our pain, but I think we can get confused as to who we can process it with. And you know, interestingly enough, I've processed a lot of it with you in these podcasts. And it's been some of the most powerful in the healing experiences to be able to speak out loud experiences that I've had and to allow this healing to happen, this awakening to happen. And you've heard me say before that I really think that 90% of our processing needs to happen in certain containers. But I even was confused about what those containers were. I journal a lot, I process a lot in my journals. And I have some close friends, one-on-one friends, that I connect with and process with. And when I peep have people come to me, that is essentially the main thing that we're doing. I don't want somebody to just be sharing with me because I think we can also lose our ability to truly deeply heal when we don't allow it to process. It just stays a sharing story. What we're learning here is we're learning the difference between processing and sharing and where we use each one. I'm learning. Um, this was huge for me. I

Moving From Wound To Wisdom

Rev Rachel Harrison 15:02

it will forever change my life. Um, especially since one of the really good friends that I have there who reflected, she's like, Yeah, sometimes you talk a lot, you know? And I'm like, Really? Okay. I'm fascinated by this because I've been confused with processing versus sharing. But I want to be sure that I don't fall back into the old pain body part of me that will shut down. Because that's what we're working on to recover your soul is being able to witness and see. I have a belief system that says getting in trouble is the worst thing you could ever do in the whole world. And being rejected is the worst possible thing that could happen in the world. Well, both of those things happen. And guess what? I'm right here. I'm okay. You know what? As a matter of fact, I'm I'm more awake and aware than maybe I have been in a while. And I was able to see my part and to, and to without justification or without um control or without those parts of us that get defensive to, you know, well, I'm entitled to. No, I wasn't. No, it wasn't. It actually wasn't okay. So if I need to process, I need to find places that are appropriate, healthy, and can hold the container for the process. And that's what I think is so powerful about the groups that we're creating in Recover Your Soul, the group coaching that I do, the um steps modules that we're doing that you can process on your own. And then we meet once a couple of times a month for teaching, working one-on-one with me. If you don't do with me, find somebody else. But I think this awareness about sometimes how we can um, we're pushing people away when we're really wanting connection because we're in the wrong mode. And sometimes you meet people who it just feels like they they're taking a lot of energy. And I think that's the part that hurt me the most was like for me to look in the mirror of myself and say, Oh my gosh, what if I'm taking energy when that is never my intention? But I'm a human being, I'm I'm faulted just like everybody else. I have blind spots just like everybody else, I'm working on it just like everybody else. So, in an interesting way, this ended up being an incredible gift because it hasn't even been 24 hours, and I've seen some really important tips and tools and healings that I'm gonna take with me that will not be about being small, but be about more aligned with who I am and having more clarity about being able to read the situation better and being able to see this difference between what is a share and what is a process. And asking the universe, one of the things that I found myself asking in the universe was, I am so grateful, you know, that I use the tools, I'm so happy and grateful as if it's here now. I'm so grateful that I have safe places to process. And I'm so grateful to have these groups where I can share. And I think that when we're sitting around tables and there's lots of people and we and we want to connect, that's the difference between pulling somebody one-on-one

Resources And Community Invitation

Rev Rachel Harrison 18:34

and saying, I know we're at a big dinner right now. This isn't the place to process this. Let's meet for coffee. I think what I hope that this offers is an insight into how we can take situations that we can feel criticized, we feel called out, we feel shamed, and practice being in our most authentic selves, our higher self. And authenticity is really important and vulnerability is really important. But when we have clarity around whether we're processing or sharing from those authentic places, the person who sat there for another hour and 20 minutes is somebody who could have not done that before. And that's actually the biggest success that I have over the whole thing was that I didn't completely collapse, I didn't completely fall apart, I didn't spend days or weeks, you know, crawling in a hole and or drinking, drinking over it, which, you know, used to be how I would check out from my feelings. And it also is a reminder that sometimes when you get pulled into situations where people are kind of looking for problems for those heavy conversations, it can pull us into potentially a processing mindset when that A may not be appropriate for the situation, B may not be healthy for us. So that story, that pain story that ended up being way overshared, I feel really like free. I feel really free that that was the last time that I have to tell the story like that. It's an important part of my life, but I do not have to tell it from that dense wounded place ever again. And especially since the main part of the story that I was telling is that there has been profound healing from it, profound healing and release, and that I can see it from a completely different perception. And that's the part that is the most important part. So I would rather be with people or situations where I can share that story. I'm sharing that instead of processing the wound. And if there's something that comes up again where there's another layer to be uncovered, which there might be because we have many layers to uncover and many healing layers to allow ourselves to unfold over our lifetime, it'll come. But I certainly will have more awareness than I had before about the difference between processing and sharing. So I hope this has been helpful to you. I appreciate you being part of the Recover Your Soul community. I appreciate you trusting me. And I hope that you feel the love that I have for you and the wholeness that you are, and that you are remembering these aspects of yourself and loving yourself through what can feel like criticism being called out, difficult situations, and using the recover your soul process and spiritual tools, whether it's mine or somebody else's, doesn't matter, to step into your fullness and to release what no longer serves you and to let go of the shame and to remember that this wild ride that we're on is part of part of it that includes some sometimes sticky, complicated, challenging, and painful things. But through that, through that, you're in your wholeness and you can shine your light. So I'm gonna shine my light and I'm gonna be a little more aware of myself. And I needed it, so I got called out. Okay. Until next time, Namaste. If something that you just heard resonated with you, I want you to know there's a whole community waiting for you. The recovery soul process is a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life, and there's many ways to walk it together. Start with the free mini workbook at recoveryoursoul.net. It's a beautiful first step. You can join us for the free monthly support group on the first Monday of every month. And if you're ready to go deeper and work the nine steps, you can join the self-study collective or a soul circle or come to one of our in-person retreats or workshops. And if you want to work with me personally one-on-one, coaching is available. You can also find bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon, Apple Podcasts, and I'm on YouTube with new videos that are posted weekly. And grab your copy of the new Recover Your Soul Spiritual Memoir. It is a spiritual journey of healing from addiction, codependency, and people pleasing available on Amazon, and it's our journey of healing through this process. You can follow me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and all of his recover your soul. Just remember you're not alone in this. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul.